Please being a judge :How many scores can this essay earn?

<p>Privacy is one of the most essential parts of human rights since,altough people are sociable,they need their own time and space sometimes.The examples of the lifes of teenagers just perfectly prove this point.
My elder sister is always watched by my parents as they think a girl should behave the way they want.Every day,mother checks her mail box and every massage to make sure she is communicating with ‘right’ people.If there is a name that sounds like a boy’s,father will feel uncomfortable because he is afraid that his daughter is going out with someone who is not suitable to her.Anyway,they syp on her tightly as if her 45 meter square were a room of prison.My sister definitely need to keep more private as she is already 18.An adult is supposed to take care of self.The efforts of my parents to protect their daughter are really effective in shaping her into the type that they prefer,a girl who hardly talks.But,as far as I know,she just doesn’t talk at home frequently because she knows that every word will be censored and checked;thus if she bothers to correct someting she says and afraid to say someting ,why not bother to say ?Actually,this is also a way to protect privacy.Home should be private place where people can release their hearts,so people really need to change,(especially parents)the environment at home to enhance the sence of privacy.
Not only is my sister troubled by this problem,but I am also watched by my parents.I remember last time when I just finished my shower and was about to put on my clothes, my mother just came into my room without knocking at the door.The scene was really embarrasing when she caught me stand ing there naked." Don’t you know there is something called privacy?"I complained,"Well,I just want to make sure you are whether surfing the Internet again. You know,your final is coming,I do this just good for you anyway.Furthermore,what’s the problem for a mother to see her son?"Well,there is no problem,but I feel safe no more and maybe next time I will go somewhere more private to take a shower.With the age becoming older and older,teenagers’ demand for privacy is also increasing.
Privacy should be advocated by teenagers in particular since it not only represents sense of safety,but it also means independence.Nowadays,when information escapes from peoples through cell phones,Internet and various ways,home should be the most private place.If people don’t get it outside,at least,they shouldn’t ruin it more inside.</p>

<p>The topic…my bad forgot to bring it on first
Nowadays nothing is private: our culture has become too confessinoal and self-expressive.People think that to hide one’s thought or feelings is to pretend not to have those thoughts or feelings.They assume that honesty requires one to express every inclination and impulse.</p>

<p>assignment: Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private?</p>