Please comment on my college essay?

<p>Would any matriculated college student, college graduate, or any knowledgeable person who is not a would be college applicant please comment on my essay and offer tips for improvement? Your feedback is always appreciated.</p>

<p>If you are willing to help, I send you the essay prompt along with the essay and a few other details with a watermark behind every word so as to prevent plagiarism of the fruit of my efforts and make the essay illegible to any potential plagiarizer. </p>

<p>Ok I didn’t really mean that last part.</p>

<p>My essay is for biology major at an undisclosed university. The general gist of the essay is regarding that and my premed interests.</p>

<p>Sent from my Xoom using CC</p>