<p>I'm applying early action to MIT with this essay. Please critique the ideas; tell me what you think of it in general (I still need to work on fluency; this is a semi-rough draft).</p>
<p>Note: Copying isn't cool. If you are a copier, may the Karma police strike you down.</p>
<pre><code>I have had a blessed life. My parents are both very supportive and loving. My brother and I have a very close bond. I live in a nice middle-class home in a nice middle class neighborhood. However, I, like everyone else, have felt the growing pains of adolescence.
My sixth grade year was a shock to my system. Quail Valley Middle school was worlds away from my quiet elementary school, and I had a very hard time adjusting to the structure. Simply sitting at a desk made my legs feel like they had caught a fire that could only be quenched by constant motion. I had a very difficult time concentrating. (Doctors had diagnosed me with ADD/ADHD, but I really didnt know what it meant). Worst of all, I had lost touch with all of my friends from elementary school (and was even bullied by one).
Having very few ways to resolve my problems externally (I had no friends and at twelve years old, I was too much of a man to consult to my mom), I indulged in a little escapism. I first began to retreat to the closest thing to wilderness in my neighborhood, a large retention pond behind the park thats directly behind my house. I got into the habit of taking long walks. As I progressed through the year, I became better and better at dissecting my problems, breaking them down to individual elements, and resolving them one by one. Essentially, every day I came home frazzled and frustrated, I ran away, took apart the day, and attempted to figure out how it worked.
<p>I was obviously unhappy with myself at the time. So, I attempted to create a goal to try to become- someone who was upright, moral, and compassionate (because I felt emotionally dead at the time). I decided to work to change as quickly as possible. I had the perception that the human brain was made of plaster of Paris; that I had to shape before it would freeze at the age of eighteen (I now realize that I was wrong; I still change daily, and never want to give up the possibility for more improvement). Today, I am not an idealized model of myself, and never will be. But in striving to become this nonexistent person, I formed a much more mature perspective on morality (one that was internal, not external).
In retrospect, Im glad I had to endure rejection and failure at an early age; it has deepened me considerably. And although Im much happier now and rely more on my friends to help me resolve my problems, I am very glad that I have a healthy coping mechanism to fall back upon in case I fall victim to the fickle finger of fate.</p>