<p>Can you guys review my appeal letter please? I got disqualified from Arizona State University due to poor academic performance. Anyway, here is the letter :</p>
<p>There are several factors of why I did not have a successful academic year in 2012-2013 when I was a student at Arizona State University such as health issues, culture shock, and time management. Now, I can come up with all kinds of excuses of why I failed to maintain +2.25 GPA in two consecutive semesters but I am not that kind of person who put the blame on this and that of why I failed. To be honest with you, regardless of all those factors, I admit that I did a youth stupidity mistake and I regret it. Honestly, I was not serious about my studies and I blame myself. I could have worked it out against all the circumstances and difficulties I had last year.</p>
<p>However, I have learnt the lesson in deed. I have a plan of what I’m going to do this time if I got this second chance. I am planning to go to a community college in Virginia for one or two semesters to get my grades up then transfer to a good university to get my bachelor degree in Chemical Engineering. I will manage my time precisely, I will put school work my first priority, and I will use any extra study resource (e.g. tutoring, office hours, group study, advising, etc). Also, my uncle Mohammed who is working on his PH.D in *****going to take care of me whereas I will live with him in Virginia and learn from his experience.</p>
<p>I really want this chance so bad and I’m willing to do anything to get it. I want to prove to everyone else that I can succeed in a high level of education and most importantly I want to prove to myself that I can do it. I know for a fact last time I didn’t apply myself of who I really am. I worked really hard in high school whereas my grades can speak for themselves. I was sponsored by Saudi Aramco which only picks the bests of the bests; I am talking about less than 0.01% of all high school graduates. If someone else was in my shoes, he may have taken the easy way out and continued his studies in a local university or different country but my parents always taught me to put high standards for myself and never take shortcuts to get to where I want to be.</p>
<p>In conclusion, I believe that I have the potential to succeed in a high level of education and I will never do the same mistakes I did last year. In my opinion, life is a journey where we experience a lot of trials and errors along the way but only the successful people are those who learn from those trials and errors and never do them again. Finally, I would like to sum it up with a quote by a wise man once said “If you have never failed, you have never lived.”</p>
<p>My English writing skill isn’t the best so you may get confused here and there. So, please tell me what you think and what I should fix.</p>
<p>Oh man, I don’t know where to begin. First, I just have a question for you. Are you writing this letter to get back into ASU?</p>
<p>If so, then why are you writing about how you will get into a good university after spending time at a community college? Don’t you want to say that you plan to spend a semester or two at a community college to bring your grades up then transfer back into ASU?</p>
<p>If I were an adcom member at ASU, and read that you wanted to go to a good university (instead of just saying ASU), then I would have wished you a good luck.</p>
<p>Also, you mentioned how you don’t want to make excuses which is good, but if those excuses are valid reasons why you didn’t perform as well as you wished, then I would write them down. Some people get into an accident, get ill, face family-related problems, etc.</p>
<p>I am also not sure how adding information about your uncle being in a Ph.D. program is going to help your cause. It is impressive that he’s studying for his Ph.D., but the way you wrote about that sounds like you need someone to discipline you, babysit you because you can’t do it yourself. Again, if I were an adcom member that’s one way I could read that statement.</p>
<p>Finally, you mentioned how you need to fix your grammar. Fix it. I don’t know if I could go every line right now to correct it for you. The problems are pretty much in every line. If I were you that is the first thing I would fix. If I have more time, I might come back with suggestions.</p>
<p>I’m sorry I forgot to mention that I’m actually writing this letter for the US Embassy in my country to get a new F-1 Student VISA because it’s really hard to get a new F-1 Student VISA after I failed the first time.</p>
<p>I don’t really have a VALID excuse to mention. I could have mentioned that I broke my ankle few days before final exams but that didn’t affect me mentally what-so-ever.</p>
<p>My uncle thing is that I will be living with him in Virginia while going to a community college near where he lives to save some money. He is not going to babysit or discipline me because he’s too busy with his Ph.D. I just feel like I could be inspired by how hard he works and like surround myself with professional person could benefit me in some way.</p>
<p>I would really appreciate if you try your best to correct my grammar. Thanks anyway :)</p>
<p>I think your appeal has a better chance of success after you complete a semester at community college and demonstrate that you can earn stronger grades.</p>
<p>Let me blunt, Ahmed. Your letter is a disaster, and English it not your main problem. The problematic issue is one of incoherence and wrong style. Frankly, if you wanted to confirm the decision of ASU, you could not have done a better job, as you probaly shared about every wrong element possible. Not only did you not plead your case properly, but you told them that you will head in a different direction. </p>
<p>Here is what you need to do:</p>
<ol>
<li>Separate the issue of your visa from ASU. Only write about wanting to stay at ASU.</li>
<li> Make an inventory of where you failed and agree with the decision of ASU, but attempt to convince that your failure was not due to not trying as hard as you could or ignoring the warning. You would be better off to present a case in which you had a hard time to adjust to a different teaching environment, how hard it was for someone who came from far to adjust to the quicker pace and different demands. Obviously, it would help if you actually did OK in a number of classes that place fewer demands on English or having to present cogent arguments in writing. </li>
<li>Avoid telling them how smart you are and were recognized in your own country. That only reinforces that you did not give a rat’s ass about studying. </li>
<li>And this is the most important part. You need to present a few things you started doing and will continue to do. Present a case in which you will rely on your uncle to direct your studying time or even better seek the help of the academic advisors or your peers, It is important that this will be concrete and NOT the non-sensical blah-blah you offered here. This is not an issue of character, but one of showing you are prepared to do the work and how will accomplish this. </li>
</ol>
<p>Given the chance of success, you ought to start making those arrangements to attend a community college.</p>
<p>That was extremely helpful. I’m re-writing my letter as we speak and I’m applying every point you mentioned. Thank you so much, I really appreciate your feedback.</p>
<ol>
<li>Avoid telling them how smart you are and were recognized in your own country. That only reinforces that you did not give a rat’s ass about studying. </li>
</ol>
<p>Also this might reinforce the notion that sometimes, some cultures have different expectations about academics. In some cultures, such as China, repeating what an expert has said about a topic is the way to show you know about that topic. In the USA, that can be considered plagiarism. I am not sure about your culture and how much they stress critical, independent thinking. I am not passing judgments, but you have to adapt to the culture that you are in. Or perhaps you adapted socially, but not academically.</p>
<p>I agree that you need to identify why you failed. Did you not do homework? Did you not attend classes? Did you not do reading? Did you not study? Did you not take advantage of professor office hours/tutoring/Writing Center/study groups?
Now ask yourself why did not not do those things? Depressed? Too busy having fun? Health issues?
Also figure out why did you not reach out to the University for assistance? They may have told you to drop one class and concentrate on doing well on others. They may have helped you connect to a tutor to get back on track.</p>
<p>Next you need to figure out you future plan. Is it to attend ASU? Or just any 4 year college? </p>
<p>.Next you need to figure out what you CAN do right now. Can you go to a Community COllege? If you want to go to ASU, you may want to find one that will transfer credits easily. Or you can go to one near your uncle and take general courses and show that you can do well.
Work on your english.</p>
<p>THen you are ready to reapply.</p>
<p>Perhaps now you can talk to the dean at ASU and ask what would be a viable plan for you to at least be considered if you reapply.</p>
<p>If think ASU is not in your future, then don’t bother writing a letter. Just answer these questions for yourself and be prepared to discuss all this at the next place you apply to.</p>
<p>“In my opinion, life is a journey where we experience a lot of trials and errors along the way but only the successful people are those who learn from those trials and errors and never do them again. Finally, I would like to sum it up with a quote by a wise man once said “If you have never failed, you have never lived.”</p>
<p>The people you are appealing to are not interested in your philosophy of life. They want to know concrete actions. Delete this entire part.</p>
<p>“Now, I can come up with all kinds of excuses of why I failed to maintain +2.25 GPA in two consecutive semesters but I am not that kind of person who put the blame on this and that of why I failed. To be honest with you, regardless of all those factors, I admit that I did a youth stupidity mistake and I regret it. Honestly, I was not serious about my studies and I blame myself. I could have worked it out against all the circumstances and difficulties I had last year.”</p>
<p>You can edit this down to -“I did not apply myself as much as I should have. That has changed and I won’t make that mistake again.” There is just too much wording here. No one cares what you “could have” done, since you didn’t do it.</p>