Please Edit My Essay!!!

<p>My Life: Being Multi-Racial</p>

<p>To write a self-reflective essay about myself is probably the most challenging task ever presented to me. It seems as though I contemplate this subject quite often and for great lengths of time. Despite my existence for the last 17 years, my culture is still somewhat a mystery to me and is the one aspect of my life I least understand. At times, I even ponder my very existence. As easy as it for others, I find the solutions to my questions regarding my culture to be simple yet so complex.
My parents both immigrated to this country in their early twenties and for many of the same reasons. My mother and her family came to the United States to escape persecution from the Northern Vietnamese during the Vietnam War. My father came to United States before the Revolution to save himself from oppression by the Ayatollah Khomeini and the Islamic Extremists. But somehow in this huge, yet small world my parents met in an English as Second Language (ESL) class in the Oklahoma State University. Till this day, I wonder what the odds were for my mother and father, both from completely different worlds and barely able to communicate through a common language came to meet and fall in love.
But it was through that fate that my sister and I were introduced into this world. Fortunately, my parents have created a non-traditional home which has allowed me to live in a dual lifestyle. I have been able to gain an understanding in both my parents’ backgrounds, traditions, and customs. My household is hardly considered the standard all-American home. Family gatherings are rather interesting when both my parents’ families come together. My family is able to learn so much from one another and really appreciate each others background. The atmosphere is always lively because we converse about topics in which each side is not aware about regarding differences in customs and traditions. What I really enjoy is when it comes down to the cooking and food. The dinner table at my home consists of Persian, Vietnamese and American dishes. Being multiracial has made my taste buds to be accustomed to a wide range of food from shish-kabobs to Pho (a Vietnamese noodle soup) to good old hamburgers. However, the best part about being multi-racial is that I get to celebrate three New Years. As crazy as it sounds, I celebrate each one of them every year and with the same enthusiasm. I practice all the traditions that come with being Iranian and Vietnamese and have become worldlier because of it. I have been able to embrace both cultures and combine them into one entity that I can call my own. My parents have shown me that as much their cultures are radically different, there many commonalities in which they share.
I truly appreciate my multi-cultural background and the person I have become because of it. My culture has given me the ability to experience so many things that people of one race may not. I have been able to travel to countries like Vietnam and Iran and learn about worlds outside the microcosm in which I live in. It has allowed me to be open up to new experiences and not close the doors to what is unfamiliar to me. But most importantly, my culture have molded me into something I can call a unique identity. My uniqueness has allowed me to grow into a person with a sense of awareness, diplomatic skills, and an experienced knowledge of the world. It has given me the strength to overcome discrimination and be more accepting of others. With each day, I learn more about myself and everything around me. That is something I hope never stops. </p>

<p>so?</p>

<p>i love it…persian and vietnamese…i’ve never heard or seen that and I live in california.</p>

<p>very unique. =)</p>

<p>To write a self-reflective essay about myself is probably the most challenging task ever presented to me. It seems as though I contemplate this subject quite often and for great lengths of time. </p>

<p>^ My only suggestion is to scrap this - way too many people open their essay like that.</p>

<p>good 8.5/10.</p>

<p>just a few things: change the word “contemplate” it doesn’t exactly fit. Also, questions don’t have solutions, problems do, change “solutions” to “answers”</p>

<p>oh and dude, take out the opposing statements like “huge yet small world” and “simple yet so complex”. Any way you write them, they’re going to sound cliche.</p>

<p>The universal rule is to show not tell. The end of your essay tends to be more of a teller – to paraphrase, “this is experience has made me worldly and here is the down low…” Maybe more of a specific example or personal anecdote that lets the reader see you really are worldly and genuinely appreciative of your unique situation, without spelling the whole thing out. Perhaps the three New Years celebrations is a good place to start. Whatever you decide, the essay is still good as it stands. </p>

<p>PS, are you applying to NYU? I think I remeber you over there at the NYU thread. Good luck, I’ll see you there this fall!</p>

<p>simple stuff: “the microcosm in which I live” >delete the second “in”<, “commonalities they share” (delete “in which”) and a coupleof apostrophes etc
but good! i agree about the showing not telling - take out the sentence, “The dinner table at my home consists of Persian, Vietnamese and American dishes.” because the following one: “Being multiracial has made my taste buds to be accustomed to a wide range of food from shish-kabobs to Pho (a Vietnamese noodle soup) to good old hamburgers.” covers it.</p>