<p>Here is my essay for Michigan and I’m not sure what I can do to improve it… :</p>
<p>** Discuss an issue of local, national, or international concern. Why is this issue important to you? How do you think it should be addressed?</p>
<p>The recent presidential election has had an important impact on my understanding of religion and government. In the world, it is apparent that religion is a fundamental aspect of people’s lives. However, when such a motivating force becomes a major deciding factor in the government, it will yield unfavorable results. Faith must be kept apart from political affairs, and doing so will effectively prevent individual beliefs and public policies from clashing.<br>
Many Christians have adopted conservative mindsets that have been viewed as hateful and intolerant by others. A colossal dividing issue in America today is gay marriage. No one can deny the importance of the traditional marriage and normal family structure in society. Unfortunately, many conservative Christians and elected officials propose a constitutional amendment to define marriage as being between man and woman. This will ultimately lead to discrimination against homosexuals in our society. However, the constitution was created for the purpose of expanding our freedom and rights. Whether homosexuality is a sin is not for people to decide and the government to enforce. A true Christ-like action would be to open our arms and embrace those who live alternative lifestyles, and not to shun them from society like the right-wing conservative Christian beliefs.
While the constitution gives citizens the freedom of worship, it does not give them the right to force their faiths on others. Allowing religion to diffuse into the government would have grave consequences. For example, if Christianity was allowed to dominate our administration, it would be an injustice to those who belong to different faiths. It would lead to school-mandated prayers and prayers before congressional meetings, and etc. Ultimately, this would violate the freedom of worship in America, as the government would thrust Christianity on others.
Religion in politics has also limited the frontier of science and discovery. For instance, stem cell research has the hope to unlock cures for many ailments including Alzheimers disease and spinal cord paralysis. The Christian church makes no distinction between embryos and human beings and believes that extracting stem cells from the surplus of embryos is considered murder. President Bush has issued a halt on stem cell research using federal funds because he believes it clashes with Christian morals. This act would be perilous for those who are depending on future medical advances. Religious morals should not intrude on the element of science and obliterate the hope that millions are relying on.
God and religion should have no place in the governance of the nation. America has been a secular institution since its founding, and it must remain that way for the good of the people. Furthermore, this free country should be known for its diversity of culture and religion. Surely the teachings of Christ should be revered, as it has reached out to the poor and showed love to the neglected. However, if we allow any religious characteristics to thrive in our government, it will lead to a very corrupt sense of authority.</p>
<p>Still just another political rant…and just as extreme. You’re also going to offend people with that, by saying what should and shouldn’t be and why. </p>
<p>Also you don’t need to bump every half hour…people will freakin read it.</p>
<ul>
<li>no real point other than a political attack</li>
<li>doesn’t reveal a single thing about you</li>
<li>not especially well-written or engaging</li>
<li>sounds like sterotypical liberal ranting</li>
</ul>
<p>Colleges have plenty of liberal kids, except they’re all a lot more unique than you’ve made yourself out to be in both of your essays. What makes you different? What makes you stand out? Don’t get your hopes up for UMich with this essay, unless you have 1500+ SATs and a 4.0.</p>
<p>I wasn’t trying to be offensive or intolerant in any way in this essay. I was simply addressing the prompt and I did not mean for it to be a political rant. I don’t think it turned out that way anyways. I think this essay reveals a lot about me in terms of my political beliefs, morals, etc…</p>
<p>asfTT123, you’ve encountered a problem we all inevitable encounter in this ugly process. I’m sure what you’ve written was genuine and truly expressed how you felt. The unfortunate thing is that so do ten thousand other applicants. It’s hard to be unique. You can say the same thing in ten different ways and each way will be very different. While some may be more effective than others. I say your essay is a 5 in terms of the interest/unique scale of 1-10, 1 being cliched rubbish and 10 being absolute genius in terms of originality. Perhaps you could show us about an example of how this intolerance has affected you. Are you Christian? Agnostic? Atheist? etc. Are you gay? Know a friend who’s gay? etc. However, you should not be compelled to change your essay in any way just because other’s say it is overused and cliched. After all, Shakespeare once said that there really is only 5 stories to tell. It really is the manner in which you tell it that counts. Work on that.</p>
<p>ASDFTT123, whereas most educated people will agree with your point of view (over 90% of Michigan’s faculty voted for the other guy), it is not an appropriate or personal topic. Write about something more personal to you. Bujt do it fast…it is getting late.</p>
<p>Thanks, I don’t understand how I can reshape this essay into something more personal/appropriate. Politics are very personal to me and I want the admissions faculty to know I’m politically active and I have strong liberal beliefs. I think this essay is revealing in terms of my political beliefs but how can I stretch it to make it more personal, appropriate, and revealing about myself?</p>
<p>Choose another topic or there isn’t much that can be done to help… your half-assed, helplessly liberal arguments come through here, but not much else.</p>
<p>Are there any personal incidents which led to your becoming a liberal? Because right now, this reads like a five paragraph essay for school. It reveals what you think, but not why you think this way. </p>
<p>I don’t think politics is a bad topic. But the way you are handling politics is more preaching than anything else. </p>
<p>The worst problems with your essays is that I don’t really see very much of your emotions in there, or definite signs of your devotion to politics. A better way to talk about politics would be talking about how you raised money for Kerry, or how you spent fifty hours a week painting campaign signs. Actions speak louder than words, right?</p>
<p>As for this particular prompt, I don’t think you answer the second question very well. You’re vague about how this issue of Bush’s reelection should be addressed. Do you have a thoughtful, <em>concrete</em> solution?</p>
<p>So anyway, I would suggest talking much less about what you believe, and talking much more about how you love it so much (the sorts of political activities you engage in, dinner discussions don’t count for very much). If you can’t do that, pick another topic.</p>