Please grade my blue book essay

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Yea- this is my first SAT practice essay I have ever done… Any commentary and scoring is appreciated. </p>

<p>Excerpt
There is, of course, no legitimate branch of science that enables us to predict the future accurately. Yet the degree of change in the world is so overwhelming and so promising that the future, I believe, is far brigther than anyone has contemplated since the end of the Second World War.</p>

<p>Adopted from Allan E. Goodman, A Brief History of the Future: The United States in a Changing World Order</p>

<p>Assignment: Is the world changing for the better?</p>

<pre><code> Contrary to Allan E. Goodman’s belief, the world is not changing for the better. Our future shall not be as luminous as our past was. One who holds any perspicacity can safely presume that our planet is changing for the worse. Examples that illustrate this viewpoint can point to literary examples such as Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenehit 451, our deteriorating ecosystem due to global warming and the increasing automation of our jobs portrayed by the movie IRobot.

Everyday our government is becoming more observant and stringent due to the fear of terrorism. However, this fear has blended into an increased censorship and big-brother government. Our current situation is much like that of Ray Bradbury's critically acclaimed novel Fahrenehit 451. In Bradbury's novel the government brainwashes its public by not allowing the public to read, receive a myopic viewpoint of the world and by controlling everyone's daily lives. Currently the U.S is phone-tapping its citizens and making extraneous security checks and camera installations in public places.                     

Global Warming is another reason our world is changing for the worse. As humans were negligent to the environment for decades, the ozone layer has been vanquishing and our planet's weather conditions changing. With the melting of the polar ice caps and rising sea levels, humans will have to face disaster unknown to mankind currently. Such disaster includes the flooding of our cities and the destruction of many animals natural habitats.

Lastly, the epic yet surreal movie IRobot gives us a bitter taste of what the future will be like. Currently, many human held jobs are being replaced by automated robots and machines. In the future it is possible that not only can the advancement for technology be dangerous to our global economy but also possibly to the welfare of the human race.

Unfortunately, if humans continue to head down the melancholic path we are heading down now the future seems meek. Increased government insecurity and control, global warming and the automatizing of human jobs are major contributors to a gloomy future.

</code></pre>

2

<p>Your first body paragraph makes a terrible argument. I mean, you’re saying that the U.S. is enhancing security. Do you think that’s really a bad thing? Do you really think that the government, through enhancing security, is “much like that of Ray Bradbury’s critically acclaimed novel Fahrenheit 451”? You need lots of support to argument something like that.</p>

<p>3rd body paragraph. Just so you now, IRobot is science fiction. You can’t argue that this is what the world is like now, or what it’s changing to be.</p>

3

<p>I think it’d at least get a 10 for sure. For 25 minutes, it’s a good essay, but your ostentatious use of SAT words is kind of distracting and forced.</p>

<p>And there are a few grammar issues. 1 example:</p>

<p>In Bradbury’s novel the government brainwashes its public by not allowing the public to read, receive a myopic viewpoint…</p>

<p>but I’m sure u saw that</p>

4

<p>This is one prompt that I don’t think really benefits from examples from fiction. You are asked whether the world is getting better or worse. I suppose you could say that the world is getting worse because the availability of surveillance technology is taking away our freedom, and then go on to say that this is likely to lead us to a society like that in 1984 (better example than Fahrenheit 451). Similarly, it’s not bad to say that technology will replace human jobs–but I don’t think “I, Robot” is a very good example of that idea. A real example of, say, autoworkers losing jobs to robots, would be better. Global warming is a good example for this essay.</p>

<p>Also, there are a lot of problems with the vocab words you use. Don’t try to use big words unless you are really sure what they mean. In this essay, the following words (at least) are used inappropriately: observant, stringent, negligent, vanquishing, surreal, melancholic, and meek.</p>