Please Grade My Essay #2

<p>I haven’t done SAT essay practices much since school started so let’s hope that I still have some writing abilities left =p.</p>

<p>This quote and prompt are from 2006 PSAT packet so it’s one by collegeboard (which means that topic is reasonable).</p>

<p>Quote: Beauty is not a quality in people or in objects themselves. It exists in the mind that perceives those objects, and each mind perceives beauty differently. To seek real beauty, in some absolute sense, is pointless. When one person sees beauty, another may even see the opposite. For this reason, we all ought to accept our own perceptions of who or what is beautiful, and not be influenced by the perceptions of others.
Adapted from David Hume, “Of the Standard of Taste”
Assignment: Should we be influenced by others’ perceptions of the beauty of people or things? Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experiences, or observations.</p>

<p>My essay:
Will you jump off from Empire State building if other people tell you to? Anyone with normal mind will not attempt this stupid act. Yet many times in people’s lives, they are influenced by other people as in “peer pressure.” But I believe in opposite: people should not be influenced by others to lose what they think is right, good, and beautiful.</p>

<p>Much like jumping off from building, many people used to be unheralded and unappreciated with Pablo Piccaso’s drawings. His drawings were nothing like conventional drawings, known as naturalism, where there existed definite proportions and image. But now, Pablo Picasson’s drawings worth grandiose amounts of money. People finally broke from “standard” art and discovered the beauty in Pablo Piccaso’s drawings. This also goes to other abstract drawings today.</p>

<p>Similarly, spiders are another things that can be perceived as beautiful. Many people are fearful and regard them with disgust but others find them quite interesting. After all, spiders do have unique characteristics as building its own house from their own silks, which even humans can’t do. This wrongful view of spiders perhaps came from prevailing idea that beautiful things must appear beautiful. But as time passes, more people began to realize spiders’ uniquenesses. After all, we do regard Spiderman as hero, not disgusting aberration, right?</p>

<p>Lastly, history has shown proofs of finding beauties of people and things. During the Great Depression, America actually produced many developments in the art and literature. Starting with John Steinbeck’s The Grapes of Wrath to Grant Wood’s painting American Gothic, positive advances were made during this era. Some people may regard them as “not great” as the ones in Renaissance period but I think that these arts and literatures did create beautiful images from daily lives.</p>

<p>Without a doubt, I think that people should be independent with something that’s beautiful. Beautiful images can be found in big and amazing things to small and ordinary everyday lives. Moreover, because beauty can be found on various aspects of life, people should be confident on deciding what’s beautiful. After all, it’s your life, and you’re in control to decide ----- not other people.</p>

<p>id give 10-11/12</p>

<p>I’d say 10 or 11 too.
I especially liked the closing sentence by the way.</p>

<p>Thanks for the responses. Good ol’ classic method!</p>

<p>um…6-8.
i saw lots of grammar mistakes.
ur ideas aren’t bad tho.</p>

<p>ex. But I believe in opposite. (umm its “the opposite”)
literatures?
jumping off from building (needs article)</p>

<p>i noticed you keep forgetting to put articles…?</p>

<p>its not horrible…but i think a grader would notice the grammar mistakes.</p>

<p>I copied and pasted into an auto grader at collegeboard.com and you got 6/6, or 11-12/12. </p>

<p>Good job</p>

<p>OMG!!!</p>

<p>I just pasted your essay into the autograder for other prompts and you got scores of 4, 5, and 6! The questions are not even close!</p>

<p>conclusion: don’t trust autogarder</p>

<p>yeah how does an autograder even work?
i def. wouldnt trust it. it probably just grades based on length and vocab. it cant judge the quality of your essay…</p>

<p>When reading your essay, a famous quote from Emerson came into my mind. “Although we travel the world to find the beautiful, we must carry it or we find it not.”</p>

<p>I think you should hit them with a thesis on the first sentence. You kinda make your readers dig for the thesis of this whole essay.</p>

<p>You can maybe say that “because beauty can be open for interpretation, we must LEARN from one another through the way individuals interpret beauty.”</p>

<p>You have nice ideas, just organize it better. However, by using words like
“Without a doubt”, your essay fails to impress them with some prestigious wordings.</p>

<p>Also, your intro “Will you jump off from Empire State building if other people tell you to? …people should not be influenced by others to lose what they think is right, good, and beautiful.” –> does not <em>specifically</em> connect back to BEAUTY, which is what the prompt asked for you to discuss.</p>

<p>Try not to start an intro with a question… hit them hard with your thesis</p>