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<p>Essay Assignment: Dictators of rogue nations often threaten or appeal to the leaders of wealthier, more democratic nations. How should a democratic nation deal with the the dictator of a foreign country? Is it best to give in to some of the dictators’ demands or to take a hard- and -fast "no yielding policy? Cite specific examples from your own knowledge of the world, reading, and personal experience to craft an essay addressing this subject.</p>

<p>Now, here’s the essay…</p>

<pre><code> Power is a possessive force. One who has it will be controlled more by power rather than their brain, that is, they aren’t careful. If one isn’t careful while possessing power, that person could become arrogant. Arrogance leads to actions that are immoral. A person would never commit these actions if he/she didn’t have power. For example, a malevolent dictator, who is arrogant of his power, would go as far as challenging leaders of wealthier nations. Should the wealthier nations tolerate these arrogant behaviors? The answer is that they shouldn’t. They should abide by a strict no yielding policy. This will help prevent a false sense of power, prolonging of war, and harming of innocents. Malevolent behaviors driven by arrogance should never be tolerated.

By adopting a no tolerance policy, arrogant dictators are less likely to get a false sense of security. Usually, power comes with a feeling of security. When King Louis XVI of France ruled over the country, he felt he was indestructible, due to his power. However, his own fellow citizens attacked him. As a result, he had to escape and live the rest of his life on an island. Louis’ false sense of security as King led to the ruining of his entire life. To prevent this from happening to a fellow human being, wealthier nations must prevent the dictator from feeling a false sense of security.

If a dictator is malevolent, then war is inevitable. Agreeing to a dictator’s policies doesn’t result in the avoidance of war. It just prolongs it. War occurs regardless. At the Munich Conference, Britain and the US agreed to let Hitler expand his territories to a certain extent, with an intention of avoiding war. However, World war II occurred anyway. Thus, the US didn’t benefit by agreeing to some of Hitler’s claims.

Finally, by abiding by a no yielding policy, wealthy nations can protect innocent people. By allowing Hitler to expand his boundaries and take over Austria, the US allowed Hitler to execute Jews in Austria as well as Germany, rather than just Germany. By abiding by Hitler’s policies, the US and Britain caused the deaths of millions of additional Jews. Thus, innocents were harmed due to US actions.

All in all, a nation must always abide by a no-yielding policy. that way, a false sense of power, prolonging of war, and murdering of innocents can be avoided. By abiding by a no yielding policy, a nation will do good to itself, as well as others. Thus, a greater percentage of the world’s population will benefit, which is desirable from a moral perspective.
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<p>Please grade this in all honesty and make me aware of the slightest mistakes. I want to improve my SAT Essay-writing as much as I possibly can. My essay score on the last SAT I took was HORRIBLE (8).</p>

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<p>First of all, where did you get this essay topic? In my experience, the SAT essay topics are usually more general. For example the prompt on the Jan 2006 test which I took (and got a 12 on) was something along the lines of “are important discoveries the result of focusing on one subject?”. Go on the college board and look at some of their essay topics from previous tests.</p>

<p>As to the essay itself, I’d give this a 4/6 at most. The thing that immediately struck me was your sentence structure. Good writers vary the length of their sentences but you write in short sentences all the time. For example where you write “Should the wealthier nations tolerate these arrogant behaviors? The answer is that they shouldn’t. They should abide by a strict no yielding policy.” If you had just written “Wealthier nations should have a strict, unyielding policy.” The sentence would be a lot stronger. You say what you want in one clause instead of three and it makes your essay interesting coming after a longer sentence. </p>

<p>There’s also some problems with diction. We say unyielding, I’ve never heard of “no yielding”. And on the SAT, the graders won’t take off for factual errors but as a history major, I think that when you get your facts wrong, it makes your essay juvenile. Louis XVI was not exiled to an island that was Napoleon. Louis XVI was beheaded during the French Revolution. This example, I felt, was really weak. How did wealthier nations get involved in the French Revolution? How does this example even relate to the topic?</p>

<p>Your second example was better but you didn’t do enough with it. Yes the US and Britain intervened but how does that prove your point? Good writers show instead of tell. You told me what happened during WWII and the French Revolution (though inaccurately). Show me how this proves your point and relates to the topic. </p>

<p>Last, there are a few grammatical errors. “One who has it will be controlled more by power rather than their brain, that is, they aren’t careful.” One is third person singular. They is third person plural. Pick one person and number and stick to it. “He/she” Good writing doesn’t have to be politically correct; it should be concise. It’s better to pick a sex and stick with it just like person and number. There are other little things as well but for now work on making your examples strong and relating it to the topic.</p>

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<p>Thank you very much Utopia 19. I really appreciate it…</p>

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<p>5/6 Nice length and good amount of examples. Remember the person isnt going to study your essay I only looked at it for a minute and skimmed through it</p>

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<p>KLee0891, if you can, please give your suggestions on what I should do to make the essay a 6/6. </p>

<p>Thanks…</p>

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<p>write better. </p>

<p>i cant tell u specifically since all the topics are gonna be different writing is just a good habit you gotta develop</p>