Please grade my essay FAST ...

<p>does a strong commitment to technological progress cause a society to neglect other values, such as education and protection of environment?</p>

<p>Here it is…</p>

<p>The technology progress does not effect on people’s original values . Several examples through current events and life experiences clearly demonstrate that using did technology does not affect negatively on people but it helps them to strengthen their values.</p>

<p>The first example where the new technology proves to be enhancing our values is in the life of Sal Khan, an American educator. In the beginning of his carrier he worked as a hedge fund analyst. In 2006 he made several videos explaining some math concepts for his cousins, and publish them on YouTube. Surprisingly, his videos became so popular in the video sharing website. Lots of testimonials of appreciative students promoted him to spend more time making more videos for people . In order to use the technology as a tool of learning, Sal decided to focus on developing his educational tool. So, he quit from his job, and worked full time for his site. As a result, Sal has founded one of the largest online educational platforms called Khan Academy. All of this advancement because of the correct use of the new technology. </p>

<p>Google is an an excellent example of how an organization assimilated our life pattern to have more discipline. At first, Google had been used used as a source of knowledge for along time, which was a dramatic revolution for people. But now, the company got into lots of businesses such as smartphone operating system, Android. It has helped millions of people to work easily, to use learning softwares, and to make their lifestyle better.</p>

<p>For the past 5 years of my experience as a computer user. I have been told to countless times that this technology has very delicious long-term effects whenever my parents find me using my computer. I always confused about this statement but I had no evidence to prove their opinion. But this year, with using this technology means is assimilating our life values and helping us to do it. The evidence that I go to it is that most of the tech-gadgets are focusing on keeping fit, saving energy, and developing learning processes.</p>

<p>After a careful analysis of Sal Khan, Google, and my personal experience, one can see that the technology is, indeed, helping our society to be more aware of its surroundings and real life. Without the technology, our values and needs could be more complex and harder to satisfy.</p>

<p>THE END…
(Note that I found the question very difficult bcz I couldn’t find any relevant examples) </p>

<p>6/12. Your grammar needs alot of improvement. Look at some grammar rules, or better yet, buy a grammar book, so you can improve that area. Otherwise, I would have given your essay an 8,if your grammar weren’t so bad. </p>

<p>Probably a 2 or 3 out of 6. The grammar is lacking and you mix up words like “carrier” and “career” Your personal experience paragraph fails to contribute to the argument and the conclusion simply restates what has already been said (with only twenty minutes and limited writing space, you can’t afford that). Good start, hope this helped.</p>

<p>Thank for your advice … But could anyone tell me what are the mistakes ?? Specially the Grammer ones</p>