PLEASE grade my essay is it off topic?

<p>Is the effort involved in pursuing any goal valuable, even if the goal is not reached.
“Be ambitious then one day look at yourself, you will not be disappointed”, Shuel Han once wrote in his autobiography published in 1923. The notion, though ridiculous to some, certainly conveys how important it is to be determined in pursuing a goal. Determination is not only the foundation of development but also the foundation of one’s joy. Mark Zuckerberg, the book “an inert world” by Helen Annaway and Psychologist John Hoffman strongly substantiate the statement.
To begin with, Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of Facebook, depicts clearly how each invidual’s determination and pursuit of goal can greatly contribute to the society’s development. Back in 2004, the beginning of a computerized era, the young Mark’s future was certainly murky with his dropping out of Harvard and his parent’s discouragement. His dream of connecting people back then was, undoubtedly, unreachable. However, Mark never backed down. Once he had set his sight on connecting people, no matter how much he had been discouraged and scolded, Mark persistently pursued his goal and, as a result, managed to create Facebook, thereby revolutionizing the culture of communication. Without a doubt, even if a goal seems unreachable, an individual should be prepared and determined instead of overwhelmed. Thus, with great determination comes great contribution to the development as a whole.
In addition to Mark Zuckerberg, the book “an inert world” by Helen Annaway described clearly how “inert” and slowly developed the world would be without the determination and pursuit of goals of each individual. In this world, as Helen depicted, when coping with the decision whether or not to pursue a goal, an individual is certain to back out and choose instead to stay in the comfort zone since she/he fears the unpredictability and unreachability of her/his goal. Consequently, the book’s world stucks in the middle age due to lack of development instead of the active and well developed era today. It is, therefore, easy to conclude that without the determination and boldness of oneself, the world is bound to be undeveloped.
Last but not least, John Hoffman, a respected psychologist of Duke University, depicts how satisfying pursuing a goal may appear to an individual. In his essay, John made a clear statement that people often suffer from depression and regret for they are overwhelmed and not determined when it came to pursuing a goal. On the other hand, as John stated, people are happier and more satisfied when they are more commited to their goals because even if the attempts failed, people would still be able to expand their points of view as well as gain fresh experience and knowledge. Hence, no matter what the results turn out to be, the effort involved in pursuing goals is valuable.
After the careful analysis of Mark Zuckerberg, “an inert world” and psychologist John Hoffman, one can conclude that the effort in pursuing a goal along with determination contributes not only to the world’s development but also to one’s satisfaction. Without determination of each individual, the world would not be as developed as it is nowadays.</p>

<p>PLEASE DONT MIND THE RELIABILITY OF THE 2 LATER EXAMPLES because honestly, i made them up :))
THANK YOU, I WILL FIVE MY OPINIONS ON YOUR ESSAYS IF YOU GRADE MINE</p>

<p>@BurningBlaze‌ i agree with you, Quanh, on the point that I didn’t analyze the second example well. I certainly have to develop and include a plot. I, however, think that my third example is analyzed well enough, i did include the major and contrasting points of John’s essay to support the thesis.
Thank you for your comments on my sentence structure and vocabulary but this essay fits not only the entire two given pages but also my practice time (19 minutes) so I dont think i can shorten it.
Thank you for your comments overall. Write an essay soon enough so i can grade it :D</p>

<p>Pay more attention to spelling and grammar. You will lose marks for those.</p>

<p>Also, you’re not completely off topic, but the Zuckerberg example is definitely more of a “you can’t succeed unless you try” idea as opposed to the “try anyway and your efforts will be worth something even if you fail”, which is what you were going for. </p>

<p>2 examples is the standard. Throwing in a third will not help your score and you probably won’t have time/space to develop it properly.</p>

<p>I agree with the score of 9</p>

<p>Can someone grade my essay? I’ve been trying to find an active essay grading thread for ages!</p>

<p>PROMPT: In his poem ‘In Memoriam’, romantic poet Alfred Lord Tennyson expresses his views that loss is an unavoidable consequence of love. Yet, rather than shunning love because of this, Tennyson resolves to accept both the experience of love and the pain that inevitably comes with it. As he writes in his often quoted passage, “'Tis better to have loved and lost to have not loved at all.”
(Adapted from James R. Kincaid’s Tennyson’s Major Poems)</p>

<p>Assignment: Are people unwise to pursue love even when they know it’ll cause them pain?</p>

<p>ESSAY: It is unwise for people to choose to pursue love against their better judgement, especially when they realise that their decision will eventually cause them pain. Humans may allow their emotions to rule over their reasoning in matters of love. This eventually means that people place greater importance on short-term satisfaction, and conveniently forget the pain that follows an impractical relationship–a highly imprudent choice.</p>

<p>Physical wounds take a definite amount of time to heal,but emotional wounds may have lasting repercussions. In Ayn Rand’s We the Living, Andrei Taganov, initially a stoic and loyal communist, falls irrevocably in love with Kira, the protagonist who herself cares for Andrei only as a friend and is in love with Leo, an aristocrat’s son. Although Andrei finds Kira’s friendship with Leo rather suspicious, he chooses to trust Kira. The revelation of Kira’s relationship with Leo disillusions him, leading * to commit suicide.</p>

<p>The play Romeo and Juliet is also testimony to my thesis. If the two had chosen not to fall in love, both the families would have been spared a lot of sorrow. Love is at times, as the aphorism goes, indeed blind. We must not let our passions sway our hearts and we ought to contemplate over any course of action we choose to take. Most of all, we must never allow our love to adversely affect other aspects of our life–our career and our relationship with others. In matters of the heart, it is best to let the mind take hold of the reins.</p>

<p>*- I omitted the him, silly me. I just didn’t have the time to proofread.</p>

<p>How do you think this fares in terms of length and specifically the examples? Am I digressing or going off topic? I’m desperate for suggestions. I know this isn’t my best writing, but I find it awfully hard to churn out an essay with a cogent argument, relevant examples and good vocabulary in 25 minutes! </p>

<p>Are there any reliable online Essay Grader services I could use? There seems to be something wrong with the Princeton Review LiveGrader toolpage. This may be an awfully stupid question, but where do I actually upload the essay in order to get it graded?
<a href=“SAT LiveGrader | The Princeton Review”>SAT LiveGrader | The Princeton Review;

<p>I think it will be a 9 but the third example is completely redundant as once you mention a psychologist, you should peovide some quotes or some scientific facts, not just simply general statements about how achieving goals can lift up you mood and so on, as even I can tell you that no need of a Duke prof. Instead of 3, you should focus more on developing the cause and effects of 2 ex.</p>