Please grade my essay! Kaplan gave me a perfect score?

<p>Hello CC’ers.</p>

<p>I would like to post my second essay from the practice test that we had taken for the Kaplan course that is offered at my school.</p>

<p>The instructor had given me a 6/6 (one grader), like last time. Can someone tell me my real score and ways on how to improve? I didn’t use all the methods that were offered in my last thread on my essays, but for the sake of curiosity, I would like to know my real score.</p>

<p>Here’s the Assignment:</p>

<p>Is it more important and valuable to acquire knowledge or to take action?</p>

<hr>

<p>One’s ability of collection knowledge is among the most powerful attributes and abilities that accompany life. As the pages of history show, all reverends, presidents and main figures have utilized their abilities to accumulate knowledge to enhance their own persons. While knowledge is the key to power and become better persons, taking action with little groundwork is the perfect display of ignorance–and ignorance is the sure route to failure. All in all, the suggestion that knowledge is the most powerful and important route to success is demonstrated by the examples of the Houyhnhnms in Gulliver’s Travels, and Eliza Doolittle’s transformation in Pygmalion.</p>

<p>In Johnathan Swift’s Gulliver’s Travels, the narrator travels to the land of the Houyhnhnms–an isolated are of horses that behold the power of reasoning. In the novel, the reader finds that these horse’s behold powerful mechanisms of intelligence. Gulliver, the narrator, is astonished to find that animals such as horses can live in such a peaceful environment, as opposed to his own race of humans that is filled with war and violence. Gulliver finds the horses ability to collect knowledge to be very valuable–so valuable to a point in which he himself mimics the behaviors of the horses.</p>

<p>In addition to the example of Gulliver’s Travels, in George Bernard Shaw’s Pygmailion, Professor Higgins, master at phonetics, attempts to teach Eliza Doolittle, a homeless flower girl, to learn an master the English language. Eliza had merely little knowledge of English from the beginning. As the play continued, however, the poor flower-girl who was once begging for money on the streets had ultimately become a duchess of the English language. This acquiring of knowledge had exalted the status of the girl, who was once a lonely “gutter-snipe,” and changed her life around to the point where she could attend any royal part she wanted. This transformation also gave her the opportunity to become married–something that she did not have initially.</p>

<h2>Overall, the examples demonstrated by Gulliver’s Travels and Pygmalion display the benefits and perks of acquiring knowledge. It allows one to live peacefully, ideally, and royally. While knowledge can be a catalyst to success, it can only be valuable if one can display it in a justified and positive manner.</h2>

<p>Thank you!</p>

<p>It’s a good essay. Would probably yield a 10-12. Just don’t try too hard with the vocab. It just ends up sounding weird and pretentious.</p>

<p>I just realized the fourth word is supposed to be collecting*</p>

<p>But anyway, thank you SirWankalot! I’ll keep that in mind. Usually I’ll experiment with some of these vocabulary words on the test, but I won’t be doing that much on the BB tests.</p>

<p>Any other help would be much appreciated!</p>

<p>Any help would be appreciated! (Bump…)</p>

<p>Nice essay! Probably an 10+, and maybe even a 12, with generous graders.</p>

<p>As a side note, I think a great example for this would be to use Hamlet, and show that his inability to act lead to his downfall. Of course, this would be proving something you are arguing against…</p>

<p>Wow, thanks! Although I had just read through the essay and notice many spelling mistakes (which were not there on the actual essay, just made mistake while typing -.-), that was very encouraging! Thank you very much, and yes I plan on reading on Hamlet very soon. I enjoy reading Shakespeare and feel many of his works can be used strongly in SAT essays.</p>

<p>But nonetheless, thank you! I appreciate it!</p>