Please grade my essay, Thanks!

<p>Prompt 1(from 2011 Jan SAT)</p>

<p>Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.</p>

<p>Idealistic people, people who pursue great ideas in hopes of changing the world, often have ambitious plans that are difficult or even impossible to carry out. These people can claim few solid accomplishments. In contrast, practical people concentrate on workable ideas and goals, even though these may not meet an idealist’s high standards. Their approach is likely to be more valuable than the approach of idealistic people.</p>

<p>Assignment:</p>

<p>Is an idealistic approach less valuable than a practical approach? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>As the saying goes, "Shoot for the moon! Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars. "This inspirational mantra can be found at the core of any overachieving person’s beliefs. As Gertrude Ederle, America’s founding fathers, and Jesse Owens can all attest, an idealistic approach is not less valuable than a practical approach.</p>

<p>Gertrude Ederle’s supercilous detractors told her that she would never be able to swim across the English channel. However, she refused to allow disparaging comments discourage her. She persevered diligently with the idealistic goal of swimmimg across the English channel in a record-breaking amount of time. Not only did she manage to become the first woman to cross the English channel, she also beat the men’s record by over an hour, leaving her detractors flabbergasted. </p>

<p>Likewise, America’s founders also had an idealistic approach to independence; they would have to surmount many difficulties before they could defeat their mother country, Great Britain, in an unprecedented situation. The Americans too held their morales high and set their eyes on the final, idealistic goal, which they would eventualy attain.</p>

<p>Finally, Jesse Owens navigated through countless demeaning snickers and wouldn’t stop working towards his idealistic goal of the gold medals at the Berlin Olympics. The day of the race, he even developed painful blisters from his new shoes, but nothing short of death would arrest his attempts to achieve the gold medal, and he eventually became famous for his perseverence despite the color barriers he faced.</p>

<p>In conclusion, it is best to pursue idealistic approaches in order to achieve greatness, even though it might be more tempting to have practical approaches. Shoot for the moon and you never know, perhaps you’ll get there someday.</p>

<p>big,</p>

<p>I would give this essay a 12. You demonstrate excellent control over language, words, and thought. You’re paragraphs are a little small, maybe add 1 or 2 sentences to each body paragraph to make it bigger and a little more developed. However, thats just a small detail. The examples are appropriate; if you ever want to switch it up, incorporate a book among your examples as a substitute for Jesse Owens or Gertrude Ederle. Also, I noticed you incorporated a lot of great and, more importantly, appropriate SAT vocabulary. All-in-all, you have good ideas, expressed them in a coherent and developed way, exhibit control over langauge, you know where you’re going while writing, and you have great vocabulary, 12. Keep up the great work :)!</p>

<p>~Aceventura74</p>

<p>Thank you so much! You’ve been so helpful :)</p>

<p>Always happy to help :)! I figure since I went from a 6/12 to a 12/12 on my SAT Essay, I might as well help people on the forums in return to those who helped me so much while I was learning.</p>

<p>~Aceventura74</p>

<p>Great essay…but doesn’t your conclusion reiterate too much of your introduction. It lloks like a copy and paste of your intro, IMHO</p>