Please grade my essay~ Urgent...test in 2days.

<p>My final attempt at the SATs is in 2days! my essay score has dropped from a 10 to 8....which screwed me over big time!:S:S:S:S so please help me guys :( I need your suggestions!</p>

<p>Question: Is making a bad decision better than making no decision at all?</p>

<pre><code>People can achieve their goals, only if they take action. Opportunities will ignore people merely waiting for something to happen magically to achieve their goal. In the process to one's destination, one can make bad decisions and learn from these mistakes. Thus, making a bad decision is much better than making no decision at all.

The modern scientific methods support this view strongly. The scientific methods today are based on trial and error. Scientists have gone through the repetition of hypothesizing and testing until a better result is obtained. In the process, the scientists made millions of "bad" decisions that did not lead them to the desirable results. However, the scientists learned what not to do to obtain the results they wanted. The close recording of these "bad" trials ultimately helped the scientists formulate better theories. If the scientists had been hestitant to make bad decisions, and passively waited for a miracle, sciences would not have developed. Ergo, because making bad decisions is a process of learning, required to reach one's goal, making bad decisions is better than making no decisions.

Furthermore, the use of the atomic bomb on Nagasaki during the second world war is another example of a useful "bad decision". The United States threatened Japan, with the Nuclear weapon, to surrender. However, Japan ignored the warning, and the tragic bombing of Nagasaki occured. The city was completely destroyed by the atom bomb, that exploded in mid-air to maximize its power. This calamity swept the world with absolute fear of the weapons of mass destruction. The devastating situation taught the governments the risks of using the nuclear weapons. As a result, the nations that possessed nuclear weapons-often the super powers-became reluctant to start wars with each other; they feared it would destroy the world. Therefore, the world was able to avoid any more uses of the devastating weapon and surpress minor and unneccessary wars among smaller nations.

Overall, bad decisions are better than making no decisions because they teach us valuable lessons. This argument would be different if us, human beings, can not learn from our mistakes. Thus, we should always be aware of our mistakes and try not to repeat them.
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<p>i'd give it a 9-10</p>

<p>It sounded good to me. 9? I don't know; I'm no expert.</p>

<p>I would say 8. Your sentence structure needs improving as does your vocabulary. I, personally, found "Thus, making a bad decision is much better than making no decision at all" to be too explicit. You should really re-word this to make it sound more interesting - it would help if you did it through out your essay. You could instead say:</p>

<p>"Based on these ideas, a bad decision accentuates the mistakes made and leaves room for improvement - an opportunity that won't be available if you do not attempt to make a decision in the first place."</p>

<p>That's just a rough sentence that I came up with in 10 seconds but I think it really makes your essay sound more professional. </p>

<p>You could also go into more detail with trial and error in science. Thomas Edison is a good example. He made several hundred mistakes before he perfected the light bulb. You do well with the example you give but you could really drop a name in there for that added effect.</p>

<p>There are a couple of grammar mistakes and spelling errors in there as well.</p>

<p>When you add extra information to impress the reader, you may want to be more surreptitious. You said: "that exploded in mid-air to maximize its power" when you described the bomb. I probably wouldn't have included that information as it doesn't further your example. You should be more indirect with your examples, as follows:</p>

<p>The bomb, codenamed [I do not know what it was codenamed - insert name here], exploded in mid-air above the city of Nagasaki, leaving destruction in its wake. Though the bombing has stimulated copious amounts of criticism, it has taught the governments of superpowers the extent of destruction that it is capable of.</p>

<p>Based on this I would probably say the following:
- Implement your descriptions more indirectly = pull grade up to a 9/10
- Remove grammatical and spelling errors = consolidate a 10
- Give a slight bit more detail = edging towards a 11
- Present sentences in a format that interests the reader = 11/12 essay.</p>

<p>Look at the essay in this post, the way it is written really grabbed me and, trust me, I do not usually dig informative essays:
<a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/938420-please-grade-my-sat-essay-provide-suggestions.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/938420-please-grade-my-sat-essay-provide-suggestions.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>Thanks SO MUCH! :D
The feed backs were helpful especially Jedar. :D thanks.</p>