Please Grade My Essay

<p>Assignment: Do groups that encourage nonconformity and disagreement function better than those that discourage it? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>It is commonly believed that conformity holds a group together, making it stronger. However, it is indeed the group that encourages nonconformity that often functions better. As Nazi Germany and Abraham Lincoln can both attest, nonconformity and disagreement helpt a group to function better than those that suppress it.</p>

<p>On one hand, Nazi Germany was a political regime with dogmatic beliefs. In fact, this group, led by Adolf Hitler, encouraged conformity to the extreme. They believed that everyone should conform to the identity of an Aryan, or a blue-eyed, blonde-haired person. Consequently, they enforced conformity by eradicating over 6 million Jews, gypsies, homosexuals, and other unwanted persons. In the end, this approach would fortunately not succeed. As a result of World War II, which they lost, their previously vast empire would be dissolved into four smaller parts. A myriad of top Nazi officials were found guilty of crimes against humanity. Hitler himself committed suicide. As it is possible to see, conformity did not work for Nazi Germany. Tragifcally, it took the loss of many lives for them to realize that.</p>

<p>On the other hand, Lincoln was exemplary in proving that nonconformity and differences make a group stronger. Although it is typical for a president to appoint cabinet members with the same beliefs and of the same party, he decided to purposefluly pick cabinet members of a diverse beliefs and from different parties. In this manner, he was able to obtain differentopinions on a wide array of presidential concerns. The result was that he went down in history as a respected man and known as one of the best presidents the US has had. He won the civil war, abolished slavery, and held America together. This feat had eluded all the presidents before him, yet Lincoln accomplished it with his nonconforming cabinet members. </p>

<p>In conclusion, nonconformity and disagreement clearly help to hold a group together, while making it stronger. Both Lincoln and Hitler proved this essential fact.</p>

<p>I tried incorporating some of the suggestions that I got from the last essay, but as you guys can probably tell, I didn’t completely do that, and I know that I still have to work on my intro and conclusion. But thanks so much in advance!</p>

<p>big,</p>

<p>10 (maybe 11 if grader is generous). Awesome essay to say the least, but I noticed something that continuously hinders your writing.</p>

<p>Pros:
+length
+vocabulary <3
+example of Lincoln
+clearly picked a side of the argument
+continuously tried to link and support your thesis</p>

<p>Cons:
-Hitler Example</p>

<p>This is what I noticed about your writing, with your two examples, both support your thesis in a different way. Your Lincoln example supports your argument (correct) and you shoot down the opposite of your thesis (incorrect, Hitler example). You want to show why you’re argument is right in more of your essay and less why the opposite is wrong. While it is important to INCORPORATE why the otherside of your argument is wrong, this must be done subtly. The SAT essay tests you supporting an argument, not shooting another one down. Focus on more examples of supporting your thesis rather than why the opposite is wrong. Then, while writing about why you’re right, point out how the opposite is wrong. Bring it in subtly, that shouldn’t be one out of two (or even three) body paragraphs. If you do this, you’re really approaching the 11-12 mark. Great essay, good work!</p>

<p>~Aceventura74</p>

<p>Aceventura74,
Thank you so much for the helpful advice! I really appreciate it. </p>

<p>I modified the body parts of this essay according to your suggestions. Can you take a look, please?
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1193470-please-grade-my-essay.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1193470-please-grade-my-essay.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Big,</p>

<p>Sure, let me grade your re-write now.</p>

<p>~Aceventura74</p>