Please Grade My Essay

Does everyone, even people who choose to live alone, need a network or family?</p>

<p>Although it may seem possible that some may live in complete solitude, the truth is that everyone needs a network or family. After all, it is the network or family that mollifies a person even in the times of melancholy or despair. As President Franklin D. Roosevelt and Holden Caulfield, from Catcher in the Rye, can attest, a network or family is vital to everyone's existence.</p>

<p>On one hand, President Franklin D. Roosevelt is credited with surmounting the turmoil of the Great Depression. While it might then seem like he accomplished this feat all by himself, it is incontrovertibly not so. In reality, he had an entire cabinet to support him. These cabinet members would inform him of what they believed to be the right solution to a problem, and FDR would meet with cabinet members before deciding upon a course of action. More notably, FDR even had an additional network to support and advise him - economic experts from Columbia University. In his autobiography, FDR lauds this group as a major contributor to his success because it was this group whose expertise was there for him when he most needed it. As FDR himself realized, it is not possible to live without a network or family. </p>

<p>On the other hand, Holden Caulfield too realized this by the end of the book. While at first it may seem that Holden lives completely alone, this is later discovered by the reader to be false. In fact, Holden relies on both his teacher and his sister Phoebe. His teacher was even willing to welcome Holden into his home in the middle of the night, as well as listen to Holden and give him Advice. Likewise, Phoebe is consistently there to understand and appreciate Holden when it seems like no one else does. Later, Phoebe would make Holden realize that he could not run out West by himself because ultimately, he needed her support.</p>

<p>In conclusion, as Holden Caulfield and President Franklin D. Roosevelt have shown, everyone, evnen those who choose to live alone, needs a network or family. </p>


<p>any suggestion?</p>

<p>Likely a 12, in my opinion. A 10 at the bare minimum. </p>

<p>I would omit the entire "On one hand" and "On the other hand" affair. When I first glanced over your essay, this confused me. It seemed as if you were about to provide two different examples, one in agreement with the prompt and the other against it. (I get the "contrast" you are trying to make but this was just my first reaction. Kind of misleading.)</p>

<p>Also, "mollify"? In your introduction. Fits Catcher in the Rye but I'm not so sure about fdr. </p>

<p>Personally, I don't think the conclusion should be taken TOO lightly. It's the last impression you impart in the reader. Just a suggestion. edit: never mind, I think the conclusion I used was just as straightforward</p>

<p>Final word, your essay seems to be pretty long. Just make sure you fill both pages up, in case you didn't know.</p>

<p>Great essay!</p>