<p>This is one of the essays of the blue book. Be ruthless.</p>
<p>Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their community or the nation in general?</p>
<p>Abraham Lincoln once described democracy as a government ‘by the people, for the people and of the people’. But this well-known adage has unfortunately been twisted,molded and misinterpreted by people who constantly keep blaming the government for every trouble or distress that befalls their lives. Rather, it is us, the people who should stand up, take the figurative baton and solve the problems that affect our community or our nation.</p>
<p>The thesis that it is imperative for people to become more self-reliant in order to emerge as a prosperous society is substantiated in Christopher Nolan’s contemporary superhero trilogy ‘Batman’. In Batman, Bruce Wayne, plagued by the growing crime and corruption in his hometown - the fictional city of Gotham - decides to become a vigilante and declares a war on the wrongdoers.He works on his own, without any aid from the authorities, to better the conditions of his community and is ultimately successful in doing so. In a time when the city appeared to be going through an endless tunnel of darkness, Bruce Wayne, as his alter ego, Batman, emerged as a Messiah, a savior and secured the safety and trust of Gotham. The example of Batman serves to demonstrate the significance of people acting for their own welfare.</p>
<p>Another compelling illustration of the fact that people can accomplish more if they try to deal with the difficulties that threaten their well-being themselves is that of Mahatma Gandhi and the Indian uprising for independence. In 1919, when Gandhi returned to India after completing his study in South Africa, he was thrown out of a train for disobeying a British man. On that day, he swore not to rest until India gained freedom from the clutches of the oppressive and callous British government. He refused to sit still and complain for his misfortune; rather, he acted to achieve what the country required. The life of Mahatma Gandhi exemplifies how taking responsibility for the society can be beneficial.</p>
<p>To summarize, it is only when people take charge for their own conditions that change for the better can thrive. Autonomy and self-dependency must be the golden virtues to aid us in our endeavors as Mahatma Gandhi once rightly said, ‘be the change you want to see in this world’.</p>
<p>—The quality of your writing is strong although sometimes forced and pretentious; I see some questionable word choices and a few minor usage errors.</p>
<p>—Why are you writing about Gandhi and Batman? This prompt doesn’t call for biographies of historical figures, and it certainly doesn’t call for discussions of characters from comic books.</p>
<p>—Your thesis (in one form or another) appears like five or six times. Approximately one fourth (maybe a third) of this essay is basically the same sentence rewritten in slightly different words.</p>
<p>When I first skimmed this without reading it, I thought, “Wow. This might be a six.” I saw some big words and relatively sophisticated sentence constructions. Upon a closer read, though, I realized that there’s a lot less content here than a twelve should have.</p>
<p>If two skimmers were to read this on test day (unlikely but possible), it would probably score somewhere in the 10-12 range. A conscientious reader, however, would see beneath the veneer and assign this a four out of six. </p>
<p>What evidences then do you suggest for this topic? Please help me as I am basically stranded in that area.</p>
<p>
This is a pro-government description. The examples might work with your thesis, but not with this quote.</p>
<p>Would you mind posting the excerpt/prompt that precedes the question?</p>
<p>Many people believe that our government should do more to solve our problems. After all, how can one individual create more jobs or make more roads safer or improve the schools or help to provide any other benefits that we have come to enjoy? And yet expecting that the government - rather than individuals - should always come up with the solutions to society’s ills may have made us less self-reliant, undermining our independence and self-sufficiency.</p>
<p>Thanks. My primary suggestion would be to NOT think first about examples. Think first about your answer to the question.</p>
<p>Your answer would appear to be YES, people need to take more responsibility for solving problems. The remainder of the essay would elaborate on that “yes.”</p>
<p>Readers aren’t counting examples to make sure that you have enough of them. Instead, they’re looking to see that you’ve answered the question.</p>
<p>I want to read what YOU think of this topic. You’re a strong writer but there’s more to writing than what you’re doing here.</p>
<p>NOTE: I don’t wish to complicate things too much—when do you plan to take the test?</p>
<p>“Rather, it is us, the people who should stand up, take the figurative baton and solve the problems that affect our community or our nation.”</p>
<p>This, I presume is your thesis. You haven’t told me how Batman and Gandhi “took up the baton.” You haven’t identified societal/social problems they solved or how THEY were able to do so in a way that government never could have.</p>
<p>Do you see what I mean?</p>
<p>Don’t be disheartened. As I said, you’re a strong writer (at least based on this). Once or twice, though, I’d like to see you try a slightly different approach. If you hate it, you can always revert to what you’ve already been trained to do.</p>
<p>You could even send it to me (or someone else) privately and get some feedback. Believe me, if you’re better off with your original plan/template/whatever I will tell you so.</p>
<p>OK. Thank you very much. Will definitely work on what you said. 
</p>
<p>And what exactly do you imply by a different approach?</p>
<p>I mean just read the prompt and answer the question sincerely without paying attention to format. Let’s see what you come up with. </p>