Please Grade My Essay

<p>What, in your opinion, is the purpose of education? (Princeton Review 11 Tests: Tests 6)</p>

<pre><code> Throughout most of our childhood years, we are always reminded the importance of a good education. But truly, what does education provide for the youths of the world? some argue that education leads to successful careers and huge salaries. Others assert that education can stifle prejudices and promote tolerance. However, the basis behind education is quite simple: influence. The educated are constatnly under the influence of the people who hold the knowledge. This can often turn disasterous if the influence is in the hands of selfish men as seen in the education system in Mao's communist China as well as in Nazi Germany.

Nearing the end of World War II, Mao Ze Dong established a political base in China. The Nationalist Party fled to Taiwan in order to escape the growing influence of Mao's communist regime. In order to sustain the communist influence in China, Chairman Mao targeted the young, impressionable minds of the youths. Known as the little red book, this pience of literature taugh communist idealogies to the youths of China. The impression left by this type of influential education created a generation of communist sympathizers. As a shown, the power of influence in education is great.

This type of education actaully appeared earlier during Hitler's rise to prominance in Munich, Germany prior to World War II. Germany, under the complete influence of Hitler, was slowly brainwashed through propaganda and poignant speeches. Hitler was spreading his anti-semetic idealogy as well as his plans for "ethic cleansing." These teachings affected a majority of Germans, including the youth population. Believing Hitler could pull Germany out of its economic slump as well as reestablish its place as a world power, the Germans allowed Hitler to reeducate them. The influence of Hiter's education created a nation filled with hate and prejudice. Education's use of influence is once again shown during Hitler's Nazi Germany.

The purpose of educaiton is to influence and mold the beliefs and values of young minds. With the influence, whole gererations of children can be unifed under one single idealogy. However, in the hands of the ignorant and evil, education can become another source of propaganda.
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<p>i kinda need advice for closing statements for paragraphs as well as how to develop.</p>

<p>not bad maybe a 9-10
watch out though
some of the evidence is obviously subjective and that may count against you. I take it you are white, male, and an advocate of aryan supreriority. Or maybe you are just taiwanese. </p>

<p>The communists forced the nationalists out of China; thus, Mao liberated the great nation of China, putting an end to centuries of tyrannical rule. Although his later actions are highly regrettable, his earlier accomplishments are indeed praiseworthy.</p>

<p>any advice on closing statements and development?</p>

<p>not a bad essay--r u a junior?, u wrote a well-developed essay. i think some of what u said on ur essay should be said earlier--like the last paragraph "The purpose of educaiton..." should go first. the question asked the purpose of education, this should be your thesis. also watch out for spelling mistakes and your partial subjective tone. your diction is higher than some of the students i have seen (i am a student in AP English Language and Composition--most of what we read are student essays.) but for a closing, all u really need to do is summarize the main points of ur essay.</p>

<p>what i meant my closing statements were at the end of each paragraphs, what should i add? any advice? also, what do you mean by subjective? aren't i suppsed to take a side?</p>

<p>At the end of each paragraph, you should write about one or two sentences clearly explaining how the example you just gave supports your thesis. The lack of these closing statements really hurts your essay overall, because you make it unclear to the reader how the examples you gave prove your point, and I myself had to read your essay a couple of times before I understood exactly what you were saying. You need to expand on statements such as "As a shown, the power of influence in education is great" and "Education's use of influence is once again shown during Hitler's Nazi Germany." These closing sentences really aren't sufficient.
Also, you have a couple of spelling mistakes, but these may, of course, be typos.
I would give your essay a 4.</p>

<p>could i get an example of one that would be sufficient?</p>

<p>For some reason that doesn't sound like a collegeboard question that would be asked. Usually they seem to be questions that can be answered with a yes or a no, more like:</p>

<p>Is education necessary to mature in life?</p>

<p>And just as practice for thinking of examples for that hypothetical question since it is less broad than usual, I would say:</p>

<p>Huck Finn - Didn't need it to break away from society's racist views and mature.
Catcher in the Rye - Holden did not need education to see the world for what it really is (would be a very loose interpretation)
Personal Example about a friend who dropped out of high school and became a millionaire (made up of course - only since I can't think of another booK)</p>

<p>by example i meant a good closing statement at the end of each paragraph..</p>

<p>and since you brought it up, how much does CB hurt you for "loose interpretations" cause sometimes i can't think of good examples and i try to bs my way through..</p>

<p>i have a question for lazybutsmart --did u type this eesay exactly how u wrote it?</p>