Please grade my essay

<p>" Squeaky wheels get the oil. "
Assignment : Should we complain to get what we want ?</p>

<p>We should complain to get what we want. Otherwise, why would anyone else care for our demands when if we ourselves don’t insist on acquiring them ? Both history and my own personal experience provide examples that clearly demonstrate that we should complain to get what we want.</p>

<p>In Egypt, we, Egyptians, weren’t able to get our rights until we started complaining and rebelling, starting 25th of January great revolution. During the last decade, we’ve been deprived of all our rights as citizens of our own nation. We had no heath care; our economic status was extremely deteriorating; more than 61 % of us reached the threshold of poverty; we had no dignity or respect, being subject to humiliation and torture by any one who was in authority; we were even deprived of our voting rights, our right to call for our rights. As a result, we were a grenade that exploded after the success of the Tunisian revolution. Thanks for complaining, we were able to remove the tyrannical regime out of power and get our rights back.</p>

<p>Likewise, if it wasn’t for complaining, I would’ve been detained by the airport cops when I arrived in Egypt after the revolution. Before 25th of January revolution, my name was listed as a member of youth movements that seek to screw the nation and turn over its ruling regime. Although we were able to throw off this regime in 25 January, my name wasn’t yet removed when I arrived in Cairo International Airport. As a result, once I arrived, I was entangled by cops who were about to arrest me. However, I shouted, " You - addressing the cops - will never change. You will stay corrupt and unfair forever. You didn’t learn from 25th of January Revolution to respect us, and you won’t ever. " These words caused their boss to apologize to me, promising that it won’t reoccur.</p>

<p>In conclusion, to reiterate, as history and my own personal experience prove, complaining is an important step towards getting rights. " Squeaky wheels get the oil. "</p>

<p>@Woandering</p>

<p>Thesis: 3
Grammar: 2
Diction: 3
Organization: 3
Supporting Details: 3</p>

<p>Overall: 3/6.</p>

<p>Grammar is really bad this time. Examples are good but the grammar really ruins everything.</p>

<p>@Woandering
what can I do to improve the thesis, organization and supporting details ?
I think both supporting examples r to the point. what r they missing ?
And the thesis is clear n justified ?
Am really tired of the essay !</p>