Please grade my essay

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Should we express our disagreement with authority figure even if there are negative consequences ?</p>

<p>Having know that I am a neophyte and has some fears about water, my swimming coach once threw me into the swimming pool suddenly and, while I was screaming, shouted at me, " only this way you are going to learn. " Although his words didn’t make any sense to me at that time that I even quit after this incident, I later discovered that he did fix my problem and eradicate my fear. Therefore, I started to believe that no matter how much one disagrees with those in authority, one should just follow their instructions because they are simply more experienced than he/she is; in other words, I began to grasp my mom’s words which she always told me when I disliked any of her decisions, " the more you live, the more experience you have, the more wisdom your actions are. "</p>

<p>Hazel Grace, the protagonist of John Green’s novel " The Fault in Our Stars ", passes through a situation similar to mine, but with her father. Hazel’s condition is complicated due to her lung’s cancer. Consequently, she has been reticent and unwilling to get involved in any emotional relationship because she knows that it won’t go well. However, this time she can’t help but fall in love with Augustus Waters, her cancer-group friend. After few days of dating, she tells her father about her relationship, who asks her to stop dating Augustus because, I quote, " Honey, am sorry but you know that it’s impossible to work, and I don’t want you or Augustus to get hurt. " As expected, unable to fathom her father’s point of view, Hazel keeps dating Augustus secretly. Everything turns to go well that Hazel starts to get completely convinced that she made the right call. She doesn’t know that she is going to go through a pivotal point after a few days.</p>

<p>Later, one of Hazel’s cancer-group friends dies, and when attending her funeral, she sees how dilapidated her boyfriend, Isaac, is. At this moment, in order to avoid such horrible consequences, Hazel decides to break up with Gus, and she sends him a message saying, " Gus am a grenade, and am gonna explode soon, and it’s my obligation to minimize the casualties as much as possible. My dad was right. I should’ve never forgotten my miserable status and get into a relationship. "</p>

<p>In hindsight, every time I remember swimming training incident, I regret quitting Captain Nick’s training. I actually hope that somehow he gets this essay and accepts my apology. To reiterate, " the more you live, the more experience you have, the more wisdom your actions are, " admonishes every one that one never defy the opinions or instructions of those in the authority, no matter how mistaken he/she believes their opinions are.</p>

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<p>@BrownBound444
Can u plz grade this one ? As harsh as possible.</p>

3

<p>I would say an 8 or 9.</p>

<p>Major grammatical error in first sentence itself.</p>

<p>Swimming example is not that strong. Mother’s quote is not relevant to thesis.</p>

<p>Too many quotes. It seems like you’re simply telling their words. Readers need to hear YOUR voice to grade YOU.</p>

<p>Never say “I quote” while writing. Quotation marks are there to say that.</p>

<p>Hazel’s example is overly detailed and long. Can be reduced a lot by removing unnecessary quotes and details.</p>

<p>Rather than choosing this novel approach, I suggest you choose the traditional SAT format. This MAY get you a good score, but its risky.</p>

<p>Refer “How to get a 12 in 10 days” CC guide for helpful guidelines.</p>

4

<p>I won’t be harsh but I’ll be honest :slight_smile: </p>

<p>Based on the SAT Essay grading guidelines, I would give your essay a 3 (6).</p>

<p>"An essay in this category demonstrates developing mastery, and is marked by ONE OR MORE od the following weaknesses:

  • Develops a point of view on the issue, demonstrating some critical thinking, but may do so inconsistently or use inadequate examples, reasons or other evidence to support its position.
  • Is limited in its organization or focus, or may demonstrate some lapses in coherence or progression of ideas.
  • Displays developing facility in the use of language, but sometimes uses weak vocabulary or inappropriate word choices.
  • Lacks variety or demonstrates problems in sentence structure.
  • Contains an accumulation of errors in grammar usage and mechanics." (from the SAT Blue Book) </p>

<p>On a personal note, I feel like you just jumped into writing without giving an adequate thesis. Try to work on developing your point of view FIRST, then go into giving examples to SUPPORT your thesis. Don’t go the other way around. Also, I feel like you should make more effort to work on your sentence structuring and effectively making an argument instead of writing in conversational prose.
Hope this helps, and I hope you get a better grade than a 6 :blush: .</p>