Please Grade my essay

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Prompt: Does adversity tell us who we really are?</p>

<p>In sports, no time is more crucial than the dying minutes of a game. The last few seconds offer a team a game-changing opportunity to win. This can be seen in soccer, where a goal during the last few minutes of stoppage time can decide the match and provide a team with brilliant success. In the 92nd minute, one minute before the end of the game, David Beckham seized his chance in the world cup qualifier against Greece in 2001. Armed with a prodigiously powerful right foot and an uncanny ability to place the ball accurately with ease, Beckham faced one of his greatest challenges yet, a free kick against a masssive 6 person wall. If he missed the kick, England would fail to qualify for the 2002 Fifa World Cup and likely become the laughingstock of the world. Beckham had to the strike the ball so that it soared above the six and a half foot wall in front of him and dipped back below to enter the corner of the goal. It was a formidable challenge, even for Beckham. He stepped up to the ball and struck it with the instep of his foot, seemingly caressing the ball over the wall. It continued ot spin, dipping back under and slipping past the goalkeeper’s outstretched gloves. The crowd erupted and Beckham ecstatically ran to the goal in celebration.</p>

<p>Faced with an adverse situation, Beckham succeeded, displaying his true talent of a free-kick taker. Common law in soccer dictates that a soccer legend must not only win for his club, but win for his country, and by winning for England in such a dramatic fashion, Beckham solidified his place amongst the soccer greats. For days, newspapers around the world celebrated his amazing free kick, and everywhere he went he received tokens of adulation. England’s most prominent newspaper placed him on its front cover, and he was even congratulated by the queen.</p>

<p>Beckham all his life was destined to be a soccer legend. However, it took the free kick against Greece to place the title firmly in his hands to flaunt to the world. Sport legends always come through in the most difficult of times, and Beckham, undoubtedly, was faced with one of the hardest free kicks in soccer history. As seen in David Beckham, we need adverse situations to truly bring out our strengths and our potential. Whether it be soccer of another field, challenges await us, and when we confront these challenges, we find out who we really are. </p>

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<p>I probably should have split up the first paragraph. My facts might not be correct.
Thanks for grading!</p>

2

<p>Here are a few quick thoughts:
The writing itself is good, but the structure needs some work. You should probably introduce your essay with a clear answer to the question. It is very important that the reader knows your stance on the issue. Additionally, try to include a few more examples. Literature, history, and personal experiences are all viable options. I’m sure you’ll have no problem receiving a double-digit score.</p>

3

<p>It is undeniably an attention-grabber, but it lacks intellectual depth.</p>

4

<p>It has potential to be a 12 paper. But…

  1. Your organization is lacking
  2. You can’t really find the thesis
  3. They say you don’t have to write a 5 paragraph essay, but honestly, you should… I wrote a 4 paragraph on my first SAT I and got a 10 then on my second I wrote a 5 and got a 12.</p>
5

<p>thanks for the tips</p>

<p>and unconfidential…, what do you mean by intellectual depth? Do i need to explain my examples more?</p>

<p>thanks</p>

6

<p>you gave an example of someone succeeding in an adverse situation…I’m not really sure if that directly relates to the prompt. I had trouble finding your stance on the prompt as well. If you don’t pick a side, they can’t give you more than a 6 or 8 essay, no matter how good it is.</p>

<p>The organization definitely needs work,it seems arbitrarily divided. Maybe more than one example to further prove your point? </p>

<p>I reread it. You didn’t address the prompt at all. The prompt was: Does adversity tell us who we really are?</p>

<p>Did you address that? David scored. Is he a scorer? A champion? Who is he? I would have picked an different example, rather an a world class athlete doing what he does best.</p>

<p>Don’t get me wrong, you have good flow and word choice and you definitely have the potential to write a 12 paper, but this isn’t it.</p>

<p>Work on addressing the prompt directly. Yes or no + prompt. Adversity shows us who we are and here is an example. Adversity doesn’t show us who we are and here is an example.</p>

<p>Grade: 3 (with potential for 6)</p>