Please grade my essay!

<p>Could you guys please grade my essay and give advice on what I need to do to get a 6(12)? Be as harsh as you wish!</p>

<p>Assignment: Does the success of a community- whether it is a class, a team, a family, a nation, or any other group- depend upon people's willingnes to limit their personal interests?</p>

<p>Essay:
Being apart of a group is significantly different from acting alone, independently. Since a group must be able to satisfy all of its members in order to be successful, individuals in the group must be willing to curb their personal interets. Only through compromise and cooperation can a cohort of any kind thrive. Examples can be seen through the oppressive society in George Orwell's 1984, and the teams of the FIFA World Cup 2010.
In Orwell's 1984, readers are introduced to a tightly controlled and oppressive society. This society is exclusively controlled by the elite Inner Party whose members are overly power hungry. Being apart of the nation, Inner Party members should have limited their interest in power and governed the country according to what its citizens want. However, only concerned with personal power, the Inner Party members deprive its denizens of freedom and knowledge, and manipulate their thoughts and actions. The result of their ruling is a poverty stricken society constantly at war. In order for a nation to be successful, its leaders must never become prepossessed by their personal interests and always remember that they are only a small part of their society.
Another example can be seen through the recent FIFA World Cup of 2010. In the tournament, there were numerous teams with extreme talent and prowess, but only one winner. Before the games, many soccer websites voted Spain and Argentina as the most likely to win. Argentina's team had the most talented individual players such as Lionel Messi, while Spain was accalimed for its excellent team work. In the end, it was Spain that won the games. This shows the importance of teamwork in a team. Although exceptional individuals add to a team, players must also learn to play as one entity, even if this means they must pass on the spotlight to other players at times. This will result in true success, as shown by Spain's victorious soccer team.
All in all, for a group to be successful, individuals must remember the holistic goal and purpose of the group and not their own. While one may lose some things, in the end, the success of a group brings commensurate happiness to each and every member.</p>

<p>Hmm. FIFA and 1984 seem to be disjointed examples. I know it's hard to come up with two or more examples from the same category (i.e. <history> <history>) but such examples will add more fluency.</history></history></p>