Please grade my essay!

<p>prompt: should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general?</p>

<p>In this world of individualism, people become more selfish. Even if a close friend is suffering, people can be apathetic. Individuals make up a community; they are interconnected. A problem in a community is the same as a problem of an individual. South Korea demonstrated young people who knew the importance to be selfless for the greater good of the country. </p>

<p>In the 70's and the 80's South Korea, though claimed to be a democratic country, suffered under dictators. Even though thse dictators did make the economy better, the people desired for democracy and ousting of the dictatos. During this time, the poor and the disabled were explicitly casted away from society. The citizens had curfew to meet every night. And everything ws censored; there was no freedom of speech. </p>

<p>In the 80's people began to rise up especially young people in college. They stopped mourning over the unfortunate fate of the era and decided to put their desires and thoughts into action. Many college students rioted against the dictatorial gov't. They selflessly placed themselves in front of the soldiers who were ready to kill them. In Kwangju, a whole mass of people who were rioting were killed by the army. Because of their sacrifice, now South Korea is free from dictatorship and enjoys the freesom of democracy. </p>

<p>The valor of the young Koreans in the 80's resulted in a big change of government. They knew how to unite as one country against the government. Many of them stopped caring about themselves as an individual but as a citizen of a country who needs to contribute. A better community is for the greater good of an individual. It doesn't help to be selfish.</p>

<p>Your thesis is kinda awkward and you lack developing sentences. Too much of your body paragraphs is simple narration, the SAT wants you to demonstrate critical thinking in the essay. Instead of saying what happened, say what we have learned from what happened. The more sophistication in your analysis, the higher you will score. Also, try to include another example in your essay.</p>

<p>However, your essay structure, choice of topic and vocabulary is good (holistically 5/6). Overall, a 3-4 would be about right.</p>

<p>I suspect you are not a native English speaker so I do not know whether my observations will be of much use to you. You have problems with grammar and syntax such as incorrect agreement of tenses in some sentences. Some of your sentences, such as the last one of the first paragraph, do not appear to be proper sentences at all. You used contractions which are not really acceptable on an essay and you also use slang which should probably be avoided, I am not sure "dictatos" is actually a word. There are also a number of spelling errors. Some of these deficiencies, like spelling, contractions and use of non-words are ones you should be able to correct. If you are not a native English speaker writing an essay free of any grammatical errors will probably be very difficult for you. Therefore I think you should seriously consider the above reviewers advice to make your essay more analytical which will result in a few grammatical errors being less significant in the overall evaluation of your essay.</p>

<p>Thank you.
I did realize as I was typing it that I could've changed some of my sentences. It seems to be difficult when you're running out of time and have to turn in your first draft.
some of the spelling errors are typos my mistake.</p>