Please grade my essay!

<p>prompt: Does the appearance of success lead to actual success?</p>

<p>People used to tell me when I was younger that if I thought opposite of the pain, it would be gone. I remember telling myself my stomach doesn't hurt when it did, and somehow it seem to feel better. I don't know how much of that is theoretically true, but one's psyche does play a great role in the outcome. One's attitude towards success can lead to a mirrored outcome. </p>

<p>I am an athelte who needs mental focus to play well. The coaches always try to get me pumped up or calmed down to bring out my utmost athletic abilities. Competitive swimming is one of the most nerve wrecking sports. I've never felt so nervous than in swim tournaments. Sometimes, too much adrenalin can ruin my hard work during practice. That is when the coaches remind me of all the important details and calm me down. They give me confidence by reminding of my record-breaking times. They get me to focus on winning rather than losing when my attitude changed and was filled with confidence. I actually came in first breaking the tournament record for 100m breastroke. </p>

<p>A friend of mine was known for his leadership and quotes. He was the editor-in-chief for the school's eyarbook production. There were many stressful times trying to make the best spreads while still meeting the deadline. He would often times trash my hard work and tell me to start over. however, he always engrouaged us by saying, "Guys, everything will be okay." I didn't believe him at first as the deadline approached with creative ideas running out. Yet, as he repeated that line with sincerity, it was engraved in our staff's minds. And just as he had said, everything did turn out to be one of the best. Now, I always remember him saying it with his special animated tone whenever I have a stressful situation. </p>

<p>An academic success has a lot to do with your attitude as well. I would study the night before and take the test with confidence. There is a friend who had studied a lot more, but lacked the confidence and was very stressed even though she knew the information. When we got our grades back, I did a lot better because of my calm attitude before the test. </p>

<p>"Success or failure depends more upon attitude than upon capability..." Dupree Jordan. This quote couldn't explain it any better. Though inborn capabilities come a long way, the last one standing is usually then one who imagined himself standing there before he even did.</p>

<p>You need two different types of examples - not two people - maybe literature and a person or literature and a movie. And never choose personal examples, they yield 12s less than 25% of the time. Moreover, none of your paragraphs have transition main sentences which is IMPERATIVE. Lastly, your thesis isn't black and white enough. It doesn't relate to the prompt enough in my eyes. If I can't understand it, neither can a grader. Soooo I say 5-6.</p>