Assignment: What is your view of the concept that people reveal a great deal about themselves through the choices they make?
The presupposition that people reveal a great deal about themselves is a categorical truth.Although some advocates of the notion that choices don’t define a person would argue that a person’s ideas and thoughts are convoluted and that limiting their study to the choices made by them is erroneous,these naive critics are too dogmatic in their provincial ideology.The choices people make can efficaciously reveal a great deal about themselves since they can affect the people around them as well and hence define a person’s character.Two prominent archetypes that exemplify how choices reveal a person’s thought are 1984 and Kim Jong-un.
A paradigm which exemplifies the concept that people reveal a great deal about themselves can be seen in the protagonist Winston in 1984.1984 depicts a dystopian society wherein people are ruled under a totalitarian regime.In the novel,Winston,an audacious person,rebels silently by writing in a journal in his room against the Inner Party.During those times,it was understood that those who would revolt against the party would be severely punished but Winston didn’t budge;he knew that that there were better times before the party took over and hence tries to join the underground society dedicated to undermining the party.His choices,his decision to rebel even after knowing that there could be severe consequences,shows that Winston was an audacious and magnanimous man who cared for the society.
Another illustration that demonstrates that choices define a person is exemplified in Kim Jong-Un’s character.The proletariat of North Korea is left desolate and isolated from the globe.Kim Jong-un has banned the usage of cell phones and the people have no connection through the internet to the outside world.He censors the media to keep the people ignorant. Moreover,his decision to get his own uncle killed shows how callous he is.He constantly gives threatens the United States and its neighbouring country South Korea that he will soon launch a nuclear war,even though the country has soviet-era weapons and zero allies.This also shows how dim-witted he is.
Through a careful analysis of 1984 and Kim Jong-un,it can indeed be said that choices reveal a great deal about a person. Fitzgerald once famously quoted “choices are the book to man’s heart,soul,and mind”.It can indeed be rightfully said that choices define a person’s thoughts and character wholly and understating this concept is instrumental for keeping the society wise and happy.
@bodangles no catchy title this time…please help now at least
I can give content/grammar advice, but I don’t even try to guess at what grade people might receive. I’m a writer and got 9s on both of my tries. I see people on here giving truly awful essays 8s, and other people claiming to have received 12s with the most convoluted mishmash of inflated vocabulary I’ve ever read in my life. So I don’t pretend to know what goes on in the minds of SAT essay graders. It’s incomprehensible to me. :))
So…to actually be helpful here instead of pedantic…
- Copy your essay into Microsoft Word or some other similar word processing program. Does it not give you those little red lines under all of your punctuation?? Those lines mean, "You done screwed up, son." Periods, commas, and other common types of punctuation **require spaces in between themselves and the next word**. Maybe that's just the way you type, and your handwriting is fine; still, it's hard to read online and would be a perfect bad habit to get rid of.
- The thing about using all those five-dollar words is that, oftentimes, they don't add up to mean a whole lot. Like this: "The presupposition that people reveal a great deal about themselves is a categorical truth." Stated more simply, "People reveal their personalities." So what?? There's no mention of choices or any other part of your thesis here. It's a throwaway sentence being propped up only by the flowery vocab.
- Another example where swallowing the thesaurus could hurt you is here: "Two prominent archetypes..." The internet might tell you that an archetype is a typical example of something, but that ignores its common connotation, which is that an archetype is an original model of something, or a recurrent theme (as in Jung's archetypes in psychology). It's not quite a synonym for "example."
- "During those times,it was understood that those who would revolt against the party would be severely punished but Winston didn’t budge;" -- you switched tenses here. We always talk about literature in the present tense.
- Magnanimous: very generous or forgiving, especially toward a rival or someone less powerful than oneself. Is Winston really FORGIVING?? Especially toward his RIVALS??? That thesaurus, it'll get you...
- "This also shows how dim-witted he is." --- ????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Nobody asked for your opinion on his intelligence, though? Completely irrelevant to your essay.
- Also, perhaps you could make a distinction between CHOICES and ACTIONS. I would agree that Winston's rebellion against Big Brother is a deliberate choice (fat lot of good it did him in the end, though!). However, what choices is Kim Jong-Un making? What are his alternatives? "He could have not banned outside contact" is kind of a weak alternative when we haven't examined why he did these things at all. You could just as easily say "Bodangles was too harsh on the essay, which shows she is a bad person"...in the end, your interpretation of the choices says more about YOU than about HIM.
- "Fitzgerald once famously quoted “choices are the book to man’s heart,soul,and mind”." -- Couldn't find this anywhere. If you made this up, it's a bit silly claim that he "famously" said it.
Omg thanks a lot 
yes,I’ll avoid the word ‘archetype’…will use flowery words only if I’m sure that they are in their correct context…won’t change tenses,try to give more details,and won’t use the words ‘famously quoted’ for made up stuff.
BTW how can you change those sentences into the present tense?I’m finding it difficult to do that 
Anyway,thanks a lot!