<p>Prompt:
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<p>Response:
Throughout the history of civilization, mankind has strived to fit in. After all, as creatures of social behavior, humans yearn to assimilate themselves with each other to establish mutualistic bonds and enhance chances of survival. However, this instinct of human behavior is undermined by the fact that greater value lies in being unique than in being the same was everyone else. Through an analysis of historical anecdotes and contemporary science, it becomes clear that, indeed, it is more valuable for people to be unique than to fit in.</p>
<p>During the 1400s in Han China, Jinsu was one such man who illustrated the important nature of uniqueness. As a young boy from an aristocratic family line, Jinsu grew up as an apprentice in the Han emperor’s palace. However, he defied all definitions of a royal apprentice: instead of following traditional Chinese customs and emulating the grace and nobility of his elders, Jinsu preferred sitting by the nearby Yellow River and observing tidal movements. Disgusted by Jinsu’s failure to conform to Chinese royal tradition, the royal emperor ostracized Jinsu and denounced Jinsu from being a royal apprentice. After several decades, Jinsu gradually redeemed himself and reemerged as an esteemed marine biologist in 1400 Han China. It was Jinsu’s tenacity and unique character that allowed him to establish many groundbreaking scientific theories in the later half of his career. Had Jinsu yielded to the pressure to conform and fit in, he would not have become one of historical China’s most prominent scientists. Yet, thanks to his ability to be different, Jinsu illuminated the triumph of uniqueness over conformity.</p>
<p>Similar to Jinsu, contemporary science provides countless research discoveries that testify to the importance of being unique over fitting in. In 2007, esteemed Nobel biologist Gustav Illmanov spearheaded a revolutionary psychological study testing the correlation between uniqueness and achievement. In this study, Illmanov followed and tracked the development of 4000 people over the span of 30 years, beginning from middle school. His study concluded that people who showed signs of independence and willingness to step away from mass opinion were twenty times more likely to accomplish greater tasks in life and earn twice the salary than that of conformers. Thus, through Illmanov’s research in psychology and development, one can see that, truly, the value of being unique trumps the value of fitting in.</p>
<p>After a thorough analysis of historical and scientific examples such as ancient Chinese biologist Jinsu and the studies conducted by Nobel scientist Gustav Illmanov, it is clear that uniqueness triumphs conformity. Instead of taking the easy way out and mindlessly following the crowd, the person who possesses the tenacity and strength of mind to stand by his of her own beliefs will ultimately prevail.
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<p>Thank you for any feedback!</p>
<p>I’m pretty sure you made up those two stories. 1400s was when Han China was long gone…</p>
<p>Aside from that, I would say probably 9 or 10.</p>
<p>you seem really smart (obviously) but try not to write such complex essays. You can get a good grade by talking about personal experiences and books, instead of ancient asian history. It seems like it would score a 12 anyways, but your essay is so complicated that the reader may overanalyze, or that you may try to overdevelop your essay. Keep it simple, because kids get perfect scores by talking about the Jersey Shore or Spongebob.</p>