Please grade my SAT essay

This is my third essay. Since I have nobody who could grade is, could you guys do that? Thanks!

Assignment: Does true loyalty require unconditional support?

True loyalty does not require unconditional support. If one is truly loyal to someone, one will always help him or her to stay on the right path, even if criticism is required to do so.

One example that proves my point is that of the right of freedom of expression that exists in democratic countries. It states that every person, regardless of age, gender, religion, and race can freely express his or her opinion. That means that a state’s citizens can criticize that state without being punished to do so. This allows the media to make known that state’s faults to its citizens, helping to mentain it on the right path. The media can be said to be loyal to that state, since without it its mistakes would remain unknown to the public, encouraging the repetition of other mistakes in the future.

Another example is that of one of my friends. She used to be rude and mean to those around her, usually without reason. When her best friend told her to stop being like that, she accused him of betrayal and stopped talking to him. However, she later realised that her friend was only trying to help her, and apologized to him, even thanking him for telling her that what she was doing was wrong.

True loyalty cannot exist without criticism. Since we are human, we have manifold flaws, and those loyal to us should help us identify and correct them.

Bump

Some points:

  1. Don’t use first person pronouns
  2. You seem to be a bit wordy
  3. In the 2nd body paragraph, you make an abrupt ending without much analysis. You should make some analytical pts when writing your SAT essay.
  4. Put some more thought into your intro and conclusion

Overall Score: 5/12

You have good points, but you need some more analysis and details. In addition, the essay needs to flow a little bit more. It’s a “half-baked essay”, it’s getting there, but it needs more development

You should go to your English teacher and ask him/her to revise the essay and for some tips.

Thanks for replying @JMS357. It seems that nobody really likes the ‘‘grade my essay’’ posts around here. sheds a tear My English teacher doesn’t really know how write/grade SAT essays… My only option is to post them on CC.