PLEASE - Grade my SAT Essay

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Please grade this essay, any tips on how to improve are also appreciated - thankyou :)</p>

<p>Prompt: What motivates people to change?</p>

<pre><code>People are motivated to change through the enviorment in which they live. Viewing through a mathamatical standpoint, the rate at which the enviorment changes is rougly equal to the rate at which the population inhabiting the enviorment changes. This can very easily be proven by just looking at the population of many cities.

     In every city, there are parts where poor citizens live and parts where rich citizens live. Very rarely do we see a city in which the rich and the poor are mixed. In the poor area of the city, kids may be more prone to do poorly in school and get involved in crime. This is because the enviorment they are exposed to might be blatent with crime. The kids might see their friends become involved in crime, or maybe even their parents. The enviorment in which the kids live in, often molds them into the person they are. Take one of these kids from the poor area of the city, and relocate them to the wealtheir areas of the city and chances are that the kid may well be more motivated to become like the wealthy, and possibly become more educated.

      I used to be a very unmotivated student in middle school and initially in high school. I would always be happy with getting a B+ on an exam, and was consent with an 88% GPA. Almost a year later, in my sophomore year, I decided to take an AP Class, which totally changed my outlook on education. I became exposed to students that took school seriously and had amazing GPAs. I soon realized that my dearth of motivation was  caused by taking classes that were unchhallenging and were full of kids that were happy with 88% GPAs, just as the former me. After meeting these diehard scholars that I was now taking classes with, I looked at education diffrently and became motivated to do well in school. I soon invoked my true potential, and became one of these diehard scholars.

       People conform to the enviorment that they are exposed too, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse, but we must realize that the enviorment a person lives in is what motivates the person to change.

</code></pre>

2

<p>Examples are a little iffy. I would stay a 7/12, if lucky a 8, if unlucky a 6</p>

3

<p>10/12</p>

<p>hngsfmfsgmfgmsg</p>

4

<p>agree with etennis
(7-8)/12</p>

5

<p>How many examples should I use to score an 11 or 12?</p>

6

<p>^ Three that you can elaborate well on.</p>

<p>I’d say your essay is about an 8.</p>

7

<p>^Two examples tend to work better in the SAT’s time and space constraints.</p>

<p>OP: Your thesis is not stated strongly asserted, the differential analogy is weak as it uses vague language as “roughly equal.” Your first point is decent, though somewhat repetitive, I like how you referred back to the prompt. You lost steam on the second point when you began recounting plot instead of analysing the links between motivation and environment.</p>

<p>This would probably score 8/12 if a marker were to overlook your errors in English, e.g. Environment, roughly, content…</p>