<p>I know I should have developed my second example and conclusion but I ran out of time!
But as is what grade can I earn?</p>
<p>I dont know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.
-Bill Cosby
Assignment: Is trying to please people a way to achieve success or a route to failure?</p>
<pre><code>The key to success is commitment and hardwork; since trying to please others will indubitably enfeeble our diligence, we can affirm it hinders our chances to success. Persistent hard work to please others will, first, let us stray from the path leading to the achievement of our goals, and second, put us in an impass threatening our composure.
A first example to illustrate that bad influence is the case of a teenager. It is common to see parents trying to persuade their children into what they believe to be the best careers. What about those parents who incite their kids to go into medical school regardless to their preferences. Some obedient children will accept and, pleasing their parents, will follow medical studies. Then? A great number of those teenagers will fail because, while trying to do what others wanted, they forgot what they are born to do. Also, we can find bad influence when teenagers try to socialize. While in search for new friends, some adolescents believe that they must demonstrate their superiority and maturity to impress others and so get addicted to drugs or alcohol.
Moreover, let us examine the case of Dorian Gray, the main character in the novel The picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde. Since beauty and youth are criteria to excellence in society, Dorian Gray sold his soul to please society. However, we find along the story that he is getting more and more immoral committing more and more crimes, he is in a deadlock from which he cannot escape.
Thus, to achieve success, one must stick to his believes, listen to the critics of others but never be enslaved by them.
</code></pre>
<p>You definitely have a good premise and great introduction, but your essay is too short. SAT essay graders often do not want to spend an excess amount of time reading someone’s essay, and will often resort to a) reading the introduction, b) skimming the sin paragraphs, and c) seeing how much you have wrote. Judged on that criteria your essay would probably score an 8/12.</p>
<p>I’d give it a 4/6 (or 8/12). You have adequate examples, but you don’t make your point strong with your 2nd body paragraph. Your conclusion is short, which is very detrimental to the overall impression of the essay. Graders read your essay holistically, and a short conclusion could hurt your score as much as pouring ink over your entire answer sheet. Well, not THAT much, but you get my point. Add in a bit of your personal insights. The first body paragraph is probably something found in a news article, while the 2nd paragraph is an incomplete discription of a novel. Neither of your body paragraphs stand out enough to make it shine as a 5 or 6-point essay.</p>
<p>Thus, to achieve success, one must stick to his believes, listen to the critics of others but never be “enslaved” by them. </p>
<p>For gender neutrality, I’d advise you use “his/her” instead of just “his”. You never know if a feminist is grading your essay lol.
Like everyone else said, increase the length. I’d give it a 7.</p>
