Please grade my second SAT essay

Many thanks!!!!</p>

<p>We all have authority figures we need to deal with on a regular basis—parents, teachers, bosses, coaches, and others. Usually, we follow their advice and do what they tell us to do because they have more experience and knowledge than we do. However, sometimes we disagree with someone who holds authority over us and need to stand up for ourselves, even if it means suffering negative consequences.</p>


<p>Should we express our disagreement with authority figures, even if there are negative consequences? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>


<p>Although authority may pose as the domineering force that keeps society from falling into chaos, it sometimes needs to be challenged for the common good of the people. Hence, disagreement should be expressed with authority figures despite negative consequences that may result from doing so. This stance may be further explained by the prospect of countries of the present and the past as well as by the book Lords of Discipline by Pat Conroy.</p>

<p>The United States, one of the most powerful countries of present day, is a relatively young country. However, the birth of the nation resulted from the voicing of disagreement. Had the Founding Fathers never drafted the Declaration of Independence to express the violations that the colonists were experiencing, then the U.S. could still be a colony of Great Britain as of today. The colonists knew that negative consequences could result if they were to protest the usurpations that the King had afflicted upon them with, but they decided to take the chance which made all the difference. After the American Revolution concluded with the colonists’ victory, this proved that disagreement expression needs to occur to institute change. In modern countries today, such as in Syria, the people follow this model that the United States set in hopes of vanquishing the corrupt authority in order to replace it with one to ensure peace. Bashar Assad’s brutal regime may or may not continue, however, since the rebel forces took the chance to voice their disagreements with Assad; this makes the difference of there ever being the chance of being free of Assad.</p>

<p>The novel Lords of Discipline is an exemplary example of how defiance of authority can lead to positive outcomes despite some negative consequences resulting first. Will, the main character, helps a black boy at a Southern military school against the headmaster’s wishes. Will risks his own graduation from The Institute in ensuring that the first African American boy to ever attend the school to be treated fairly. Another instance of corrupt authority, the headmaster is a bigot who sticks to old traditions and upholds a strong belief of white supremacy. Will, however, does not let this stop him from devising a plan to set things on the right path. By expressing his disagreement, including breaking rules and committing offenses to the Institute, he suffers through the negatives consequences, even losing one of his best friends along the way. Yet, suffering through the consequences after defying authority was well worth it for Will as he fulfilled his duty as a good person, not just one who seeks personal benefits. This once again made all the difference.</p>

<p>There is a reason for authority to be placed at the head of society; yet, the presence of authority is not necessarily for the best. In fact, it is good and fair authority that benefits society as a whole. When authority is in fact corrupt or deemed unfit to be in place, people should in fact demonstrate their disagreements to create a better society. As seen with the history of the United States, how the Founding Fathers drafted the Declaration of Independence, Will, who defied the Institute’s corrupt headmaster, as well as many nations today who struggle to achieve order, such as Syria, it is evident that disagreement needs to be expressed before change may happen. </p>

<p>any suggestion? Thanks!!!</p>

<p>I read it. It looks good. I would give it an 11/12. The only reason I would take off the point is because there are points in which the syntax is unnecessarily complicated which hinders readability, e.g. “may pose as” instead of “be.” In general you want to keep your sentences as brief as possible. Additionally in the intro, the transition could be done a bit more smoothly and the examples could be presented in a more specific manner. Remember they only get a few minutes for it so you want to show them exactly what to look for. Overall though, very good essay.</p>

<p>thank you so much for the advice!!! </p>