Please grade this! suggestions welcomed

[Jules]

<p>I am supposed to explain why it is or isn't true that failure leads to success.
Please let me know if i'm not clear or if i'm repetitive. Any comment is appreciated. </p>

<p>When learning a skill, whether it is in academics, art, or life, failure can often lead to success. My experience in both educating and learning has taught me that failure is a necessary step to excellence. When someone fails or simply does not do as well as they would have hoped they can take that experience and learn from it. Why did that happen? What must I change to prevent it from happening again?</p>

<p>As a musician, I have failed many times before achieving a certain goal and each time for different reasons. I’ve learned to teach myself and others because of those failures, and it most definitely made me a better violinist. Failure can also boost drive and determination. When mistakes are made it makes one more resolute on getting it correct, and that person will go to any length to accomplish it!
In all my auditions that I have had there has been a mistake if not many. I made mental notes to fix those problems and practice the sections vehemently until I mastered the skills. “Trial and error” it’s how we learn.</p>

[Jules]

<p>Anything? You can tell me you hate it! i put a time limit of 15 minutes on myself so that hopefully it will come easier to do it in 25 minutes for the SATs. I also wanted to know if it was too short.</p>

[Shraderisbackyoubums]

<p>I would say...change "would have hoped" in the first paragraph to "may have hoped"...and depending on the degree of formality you want to give to the paper, I would take those questions at the end of the first paragraph and make them part of a sentence. The individual may ask, "Why did that happen?" or "What must I...etc."</p>

<p>It might just be me, but I would scrap the "and" in the first sentence of the second paragraph and rephrase it something like "...achieving a certain goal, each time for a different reason" ehh somebody with a greater degree of grammatical sophistication, please check if there could be a semicolon in there and if the comma is even acceptable...thanks.</p>

<p>The "it" in the second line of the second paragraph refers back to...god knows what - try saying something like "Because of those failures, I've learned to teach both myself and others, as well as become a better violinist" or "...and others; the experience has also made me a better violinist"</p>

<p>Don't state the part from "When mistakes..." to "...to accomplish it!" as a definite fact - give it a dose of "many" and "often" to give it a little more validity - this always...err...often works!</p>

<p>"I have made at least one mistake, if not many, in all of the auditions that I have had" - it just reads smoothly...</p>

<p>you have the start of a good essay here - just wait for the crazy CC proofreading genius crew to make some comments. good luck with that.</p>

[Shraderisbackyoubums]

<p>oh i just read your next post - i have no experience whatsoever with writing for the SAT! i thought it may have just been an out-of-place essay for a class that you posted here - like i said...wait for the people who know their s#it...</p>

[Jules]

<p>Oh come on! Please say something! I just want to know where this stands on the 1-6 scale. Thanks</p>

[yz16]

<p>hm. use the 25 minutes. the first few minutes tend to be the slowest, so at the moment it's simply not developed anywhere yet. It's pretty vague with too many generalizations at the moment.</p>

[Serin]

<p>When someone fails or simply does not do as well as they would have hoped they can take that experience and learn from it</p>

<p>that needs a comma.</p>

<p>other than that the 2nd paragraph type thing is choppy.</p>

<p>id give it a 4/6</p>

[ramakong]

<p>Try to apply the same rules you must know for the objective section of the exam. You have a pronoun/antecedent agreement error in the first paragraph. Someone is always singular (any word ending in -one or -body = singular), but you use "they" instead of he or she. Also, avoid passive voice "when mistakes are made".
You are a good writer, so you should do well on the essay section; however, your essay would be better if it were more specific. Use a specific example or examples of a time you failed and how it eventually led to success.</p>

[adidasty]

<p>I got my essay back from PR LiveGrader and got a 10/12 and mine was a full 5 paragraph essay in 25 minutes. 2 paragraphs is a little on the wussy side for an SAT writing test, and you should have taken the 25 minutes. dont practice with less because u will get used to cramming yourself into that time frame and get used to writing cheaper material. practice uner real circumstances- 25 min.</p>

[haosquared]

<p>The best way is to use all your time and write a paper that has at least an introduction with a thesis, supporting paragraphs (2-3), and an ending. Yours is a good start but I felt as if you ended it after just 1 supporting paragraph. However, your word choice and ideas are solid. Take up all the writing room available. I'm not saying it's impossible to get a 12/12 if you don't write a complete essay but it doesn't hurt. I would give you around an 8-9/12. It just felt incomplete and there were errors. Good luck.</p>