Please have a look at my essay about homosexualism...

<p>Hi, I’m a Chinese student, and my conselor refused to give comments becoz of the topic -_-
So I’m thinking u guys might be more familiar with this topic</p>

<p>Does my essay answer the prompt? I’m feelin very bad as many have said this is only a minor issue and the significance to me is not shown. Thanks a loooooot!</p>

<p>Question: Choose an issue of importance to you—the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope—and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation. </p>

<p>In the 5.12 Earthquake, Szechuan People experienced incredible pain and loss, but also received the generous support from various communities. Among these communities, one special group, however, was denied of their altruistic will to help reduce death and injuries, by a regulation which has alarmingly underlay in our society for a long time. The No.6 prerequisite in China’s blood donation policies clearly banned homosexual people, some even of the rare RH- type, from offering their help in this national disaster.</p>

<p>Gay and lesbian rights might have been an overly-discussed issue nowadays in western countries, but in China such prejudice is going on, denying these minority groups from enjoying even the most basic civil rights, such as a simple wish to help others. The No.6 prerequisite reveals the lack of knowledge and the negative attitude of the general public, on same-sex attraction. Though some research records show a higher rate of HIV infection amongst gay communities than straight, the risk of HIV and other sexual diseases is more related to frequent unsafe sex, rather than homosexual relationships. On the contrary, lesbians are proved lower risk of HIV than even heterosexual people. This loophole in blood donation policies not only discourages the spirit of giving, but also enhances the public’s wrong perception that homosexual love is dangerous and unhealthy, adding on to the discrimination.</p>

<p>It has been suggested that the policy be corrected to target at gay communities only. However, I feel deeply that the root of problem does not lie in which group to be discriminated against, but the discrimination itself. Only through improving the examination of donated blood and virus detecting facilities could blood quality be ensured. Simply attributing the complex resources of unsafe blood donation to homosexual relationships is just an irrelevant and irresponsible short-cut taken by the government. If for now, asking permission for same-sex marriage is still too early for a developing country like China, is it possible to avoid discrimination and grant homosexual people a life as normal as everyone else?</p>

<p>For traditional Chinese struggling for sexual identity under family and social pressures, I could imagine the significance of this issue them and their families. However, besides the concern for the rights deserved by these minority groups, a society providing unequal civil rights grants no hope to its people. Discrimination against homosexual people disobeys the Universal Declaration of Human Rights that “All human beings, without distinction of any kind, are born free and equal in dignity and rights.” Even in a communist society like China, equity has always been emphasised. This issue questioned my belief in my country’s equity in which I have taken pride for such a long time. </p>

<p>Till 1999, books related to homosexualism would be turned in at the customhouse. In the 2006 World Outgames in Montreal, there was only one Chinese athlete, in contrast to the 1.3 billion pollution of China. Even Chinese students overseas did not represent China in fear of troubles. According to the latest investigation carried out by Dr. Li Yinhe, the famous sociologist and activist for LGBT rights in China, only 7.5% of citizens have friends or relatives who are homosexual and about 70% oppose legalising same-sex marriage. Obviously, China is not an open country. Due to China’s history-related traditions and Buddhism background, family composed of men, women and children have been made an important doctrine. Homosexual people would face problems of low self-esteem and guilt; pressure from society and family would further suppress their courage to reveal their sex identity. In the end, many choose to hide behind a normal lifestyle. In many cases, this has been the reason of divorce, domestic violence and even suicides. The ignorance or even intended denying of this social issue not only derive many gays and lesbians from their supposed lifestyle, but also affect the lives of straight people and give rise to social unrest. </p>

<p>We are gradually receiving courageous voices for civilian rights deserved by minority groups, but a deeply-rooted social stereotype could not be easily challenged by the efforts of the few activists. The prohibition just sharply reveals how far we are still away from a society of real equity and freedom.</p>

<p>ohohoh…sensitive</p>

<p>very nice begining, yet it is kind of tiring to read the rest of the essay, you got great stroy and ideas, but they are kind of scattered in the essay///////////////
well, PM me, and please tell me what are you writing this for? scholarship? a school? a sup essay? a what…</p>

<p>Oh this prompt is UT essay 2, if anyone wonders.</p>

<p>It’s due 15th so quite urgent… pls pls…</p>

<p>

It’s not a minor issue, but I agree that the essay needs more emphasis on your relation to the issue. The essay reads like a research paper, which is not giving admissions officers very much insight about you. Emphasize why this particular topic is important to you.</p>

<p>Yes but it’s hard to relate this issue to me, unless I or someone closely related to me is homo… rite?</p>

<p>The whole essay is written sort of third-hand. What does it say about you and your personal struggles?</p>

<p>Yeah, I would definitely make it relate to you. Maybe “find” a “close friend” who you have helped through these struggles ;).</p>

<p>I can write abt my personal struggles, but I feel strange, too private. Would my chance be affected if I portray myself as a homo…</p>

<p>

FYI, the way you phrased this question makes it offensive.</p>

<p>No, your chances would not be affected. UT Austin includes sexual orientation in its nondiscrimination statement (“UT Austin does not discriminate on the basis of…”).</p>

<p>Ahh…shouldn’t that be “homosexuality”?</p>

<p>to skybax22:</p>

<p>I’ll think abt it. But if I write abt my friend (I do have some lesbian friends to talk abt) I’m explaining the importance of this to my friend, not me. I guess only someone like parent siblings or boy/girlfriend…?</p>

<p>to IB class 06: sorry I didn’t mean that…</p>

<p>I don’t have a better understanding of YOU as a person or potential student after reading this.</p>

<p>umm yeah i would not send this… too many forced large vocab/sentences which just add to confusion… i didn’t understand anything in your intro and i am a pretty intelligent student imo lol</p>

<p>A lot of the grammar is iffy at best. There are much simpler words you can use that will convey the same message and give a much better impression.</p>

<p>^^ It was due half a month ago.</p>