<p>My 15 yr old daughter seems to have dropped into a fairly deep depression. We took her to the doctor and they did blood work and didn’t find anything out of the ordinary. They don’t want to give her meds because of her age and we have arranged for her to get counseling.</p>
<p>The first counseling session isn’t for a couple of weeks and we don’t quite know what to do in the meantime. She has the occasional OK day…but most days are like today.</p>
<p>Picked her up from school and she was in tears. She didn’t want to go to her after-school activity and just wants to sit on the couch and watch TV. Nothing we can say or do helps. It just makes everything worse. </p>
<p>I don’t feel like letting her skip all of her commitments is the answer (today she is missing Key Club and piano lessons.) but on the other hand, she is not in the right state of mind to get anything out of it anyway. </p>
<p>I am not certain what the root cause of the problem is but it looks like it is social. She’s always had a lot of friends but not too many really close friends. I think her poor attitude is driving the friends she did have away. </p>
<p>I don’t know how to handle it. Should we let her have her way right now (skipping things she doesn’t feel like doing) just until we get her to the counselor (Nov. 17) or should we insist she continue with her commitments? I don’t feel like letting her be a blob on the couch is the right answer but on the other hand, maybe it’s what she needs right now.</p>
<p>Sitting on the couch is not the answer,it will only remind her of her concerns…staying involved may take her mind off her problems,and may help her find a way out of this…best of luck</p>
<p>I don’t think there is one right answer here. Have you talked with any professionals on the phone? Could you ask for advice from her doctor or guidance counselor?</p>
<p>I don’t understand about not wanting to give her meds because of her age. Many young people are on anti-depressants because they are life saving. PM me if you want our experience with meds for depression. Some children are medically complicated. You wouldn’t withhold insulin from a diabetic if they truly need it and I would hope professionals wouldn’t withhold other types of meds if they truly need it.</p>
<p>I’m not saying your daughter needs meds-just trying to understand the doc’s reasoning.</p>
<p>I’m sorry you’re daughter is going through this. It is difficult, I know.</p>
<p>I also don’t understand the no pills because of her age. I was severely depressed from the age of 16-17- to the point that I stopped eating and dropped to about 120 lbs (I’m 6’0"). I went to a therapist who put me on pills. Once I was on the anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills, I was finally able to work with a therapist to work through what was plaguing me- something that was impossible before the pills since I couldn’t think clearly at all. I was able to go off anti-depressants within 6 months and the anti-anxiety meds within two years (those took longer as it’s related to PTSD). I would honestly get a second opinion about the pills. </p>
<p>Don’t let her skip things, but don’t just tell her no either. Withdrawing is a symptom of the depression more than it is a cause. But trust me, you telling her to go will just make her fall into a deeper depression. IMO the worst part about being in depression is feeling like you have no control and when someone else wants to control you it makes it much, much worse. Have you tried a teen therapist? Or even a family therapist (since it can be very scary to go to a therapist for the first time)?</p>
<p>Can you find something she’d enjoy doing with you? Maybe just getting away from school and friends and having some mom time would give her a new perspective and help get through the days until she can start counseling. Is there someplace nearby where you two could go together to a museum or a show or sporting event? I think sometimes it just helps to feel that old bond is still there, and if you get out of your daily routine somehow, it can start a conversation that goes to the root of things. Hugs meanwhile-- this is probably as hard on you as it is on her.</p>
<p>Thank you for all the advice and suggestions. We are actually going away this weekend to another town to see a concert and to do some shopping. Hopefully it will be a good weekend. </p>
<p>Despite my many years of effort to have a loving relationship with her, she keeps herself distant from me. (She never wanted hugs or kisses from anyone from a very young age…as a baby actually.) I feel that she does, deep inside, love and trust me because she thrashes out sometimes in a way that I think people do with the person they feel safest with. I will see how the weekend goes and then consider going back to the doctor. </p>
<p>I appreciate your hugs and words of support. Yes…this is very difficult on me and I am doing my best to hold it together.</p>
<p>I have so been where you are. The primary care MD/pediatrician is not the person to handle this or to advise meds/no meds. If you think she is really depressed, call the main medical center in your area and find out the number for an adolescent psych evaluation. Maybe that’s what you did and how you got the counseling appointment. If this is more than temporary, it will be extremely helpful to have her begin work with a social worker and/or clinical psychiatrist who specializes in adolescent depression. They will not push meds on her but they will not exlude meds because she is 15. That just sounds like a practitioner frankly out of her or his depth. (Edited to add - they started with blood work?)</p>
<p>In the short term I would try to be understanding. Yes she has to get out of bed and go to school but the extras - I would not insist. You can pm me if you want.</p>
<p>I agree with the other posters who say that medication may be warranted right now regardless of her age. I lived through this with one of my children and believe you should make an appointment with a mental health professional. You can also pm me and I would be happy to tell you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.</p>
<p>Someone who is depressed should never have to wait several weeks for a counseling appt. If the therapist you contacted cannot see her for several weeks, you should have been given another referral. Ask you pediatrician for a referral as soon as possible. Hopefully she can be seen within a few days. One note: if the reason for the delay in counseling is because you are taking her to a clinic through your insurance, please consider finding a therapist who is out-of-network with your insurance.</p>
<p>Depression won’t be diagnosed by blood tests, and cannot be properly assessed by a pediatrician alone. She needs to be evaluated by a child psychiatrist, and likely placed on appropriate anti-depressant medication and possibly talk-therapy - please don’t wait. She isn’t “too young”, don’t risk waiting for her to “spontaneously recover”. Warnings about these medications is overblown by media. There shouldn’t be a stigma to obtaining needed care. Medication can work, quickly, to stabilize a depressed teen.</p>
<p>She needs to see a psychiatrist, preferably one that is an expert in children and adolescents. Call and tell them it’s urgent. Call the counselor and explain that this cannot wait until the 17th. </p>
<p>You need to be your daughters advocate right now. So far she’s dealt with a doctor who clearly does not know much about depression.</p>
<p>She was actually evaluated by a Physician’s Assistant because we can hardly ever get in to see our regular doctor anymore. All the visits are to PAs or NPs. I will call tomorrow to see if she can see the doctor or get a referral to a different psychologist or psychiatrist. </p>
<p>We faced this issue several years ago. The blood work is really the correct starting point, because you wouldn’t want to embark on the mental health odyssey if the underlying cause is something like hypothyroidism. Mental health care providers always keep blocks of time open for emergencies, so by all means call them back and insist on an appointment if you feel your D is getting worse. </p>
<p>My child took an antidepressant for about 7 months, then slowly tapered off. They were not a magic bullet, but combined with counseling sessions they helped break the cycle of negative thinking. The other thing we did was join a fitness club. We try to go 4 times per week, and this has been a very positive experience. Some studies have shown that aerobic exercise is as effective as medication for treating depression. It also hasn’t been a magic bullet, but it does provide some structure and a reason to get off the couch and out among people.</p>
<p>Is there a rule against discussing medications on public forums? I wonder why you received several offers for information through pm’s. I am interested to know the specifics of what worked for others. Our mental health provider basically said there is only one drug approved for minors, so that’s what we went with.</p>
<p>It WILL get better, and I think it is better that they learn the process for dealing with these types of issues now rather than the first year of college.</p>
<p>This is a situation where becoming a Lion mother is important. Get on the phone with a nurse at your doctor’s office and explain you are extremely concerned. Be dramatic. Get noticed. When we were having difficulties with my step-son many years ago, I called the child therapist office that was recommended to us. I took an appointment scheduled three weeks later. When I went to bed that night, it didn’t feel right. I called the next day, expressed, my concerns, refused to take no for an answer and secured an appointment the next day.</p>
<p>(If I were in your situation, I would skip the reg doctor all together. Call the therapists office you have the later appointment with and get noticed!!)</p>
<p>Skip trying to get in to see the pediatrician, that is doing nothing but eating up time and resources. You need to make contact with adolescent mental health professionals. It doesn’t mean your child is ‘mentally ill’ but this is specialized care that is beyond the realm of family medicine.</p>
<p>Many of us have been through this and I personally think ordering blood work right off the bat is a red flag that the PA was, most likely, either too busy, does not have the training or the inclination to talk with a young girl in some depth about what has been bothering her, or both.</p>
<p>I asked them to run the blood work because I wanted to rule out a thyroid problem…which runs in the family. My daughter has put on a lot of weight in the last six months and I thought there was the chance it could be hypothyroidism.</p>
<p>When you recieve an appointment weeks out be sure and call EVERY day and ask if there have been any cancallations. Often, you will get right in.
Advice I give my clients when seeking psychiatric appointments…</p>
<p>I have nothing much to add, but I wanted to vote for the “Don’t wait till Nov. 17” option. Either call the doctor for another referral, or talk directly with the counsellor’s office (or both). Tell them what you’ve told us about what you’re seeing, and what your worries are. Don’t sugar-coat it. And be persistent and assertive about the need for her to be seen ASAP. As collegeshopping said, Get noticed. Hint: If necessary, cry.</p>
<p>I also vote for the “meds are OK” option. Depression is a complicated mix of social, mental, and chemical factors. Research shows that the best outcomes usually combine therapy AND medication. (Plus I know this from personal experience. )</p>
<p>I love to see medical secretaries’ faces brighten when I say. “I live nearby and have great availability. As soon as you get a cancellation, please call me. I’ll try to help you fill it.” They’re in business and trying to fill slots. I think there might be a lot of cancellations in mental health, for many reasons. After that, phone in every few days to remind them you’re eager for a cancellation opportunity. I’ll bet you get in before Nov. 17 this way. Good luck. on that.</p>
<p>I hope your weekend goes well. Getting out of town, eating out and having 1:1 time together is so helpful. It’s likely to lift your mood, which might be contagious as long as you just feel it, don’t promote it to her. Just by feeling glad you’re away, she might echo your relaxation a bit. </p>
<p>If you shop, think about gentle places to visit with no social demands, for example: pet shops (play with the animals), bookstores, light movies (Puss and Boots is pleasant and diverting), fragrance or herb shops. I’d stay away from big noisy malls with teenage shoppers and loud music, since you say she’s unhappy about social life right now. If she’s depressed, she’ll genuinely feel tired so don’t break records for how many hours you can spend out together. Take it easy.</p>
<p>Let her know you know she’s having a hard time. Then reassure her it will get better with proper medical care, family support and time. You’re giving her all three. Depression is treatable. For reassuring reading and education, google up NAMI, the National Alliance for Mental Illness.</p>
<p>Re. blood work and thyroid issues: I know a number of ladies, younger and older, that have Hashimotos (not sure that’s spelled correctly), a thyroid condition. Some blood tests aren’t done well enough or don’t get subtle enough to detect it. Sometimes, alternative tests (unfortunately, not covered by insurance) might do a better job of detecting these things. The weight gain could possibly be a sign of some physical/physiological stuff, though hitting puberty and gaining weight is also “normal” in some girls. I gained about 10-20 lbs when I was done growing. It all came off around age 22 because I am genetically just kind of a thinner person but weight gain certainly could be a sign of something going on either physically or mentally.</p>
<p>I also support blood work and a urine test. As a parent of a type 1 diabetic (the weight gain would almost rule out type 1 since my type 1s are skinny), I know the importance of a physical check up.</p>
<p>As the others have said, if you can see someone sooner, please do. Again, I have firsthand experience with teen depression and some other issues and sooner is definitely much better than later.</p>
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