<p>Please help me by reading/grading/suggesting improvements for my essay! I wrote it in about 18 minutes - is that good? I’m worried about panicking and then not having enough time on the actual test, which I’m taking in December. </p>
<p>Do success and happiness depend on the choices people make rather than on factors beyond their control?</p>
<pre><code>A persons success and happiness in life is very much determined based on their own choices. This is demonstrated by the character Amarantas bitterness in 100 years of solitude, people from difficult backgrounds, and by students experience in school. A persons actions play a key role in determining their future.
In the novel 100 years of Solitude, Amaranta Ursula is initially a carefree, happy young lady. However, she develops a bitter rivalry with her adopted sister, Rebeca, and also refuses two suitors who propose to marry her. This leads to her becoming lonely and isolated, and not an asset to her family or others. Amaranta spends her entire life alone because of her choices to distance herself from her family and friends. Her own decisions stop her from being able to live a prosperous or joyous life.
Another example is the many people from impoverished backgrounds who became successful later in life. One cannot choose how they are born, whether that is in terms of family status, financial status, or other factors. Many American presidents came from humble backgrounds. Abraham Lincoln and George Washington both never received formal instruction, but were self-taught and able to converse and debate with the most well-educated people. They implemented extremely successful policies, with Washington starting a new country that would become a superpower, and Lincoln keeping that country together through a civil war. Washington and Lincoln both actions led them to both become immensely successful despite their immutable humble roots.
High school students across the world also face a similar dilemma. Within the United States, students cannot control whether they have to work after school, the rigor of classes offered, the competition between classmates, or the support or lack thereof from the school and parents. Still, students who are dedicated and assiduous can surpass these obstacles, getting into good colleges and becoming successful in their chosen professions. By studying independently or foregoing social activities to focus on schoolwork, students can set themselves up for a happy and successful future.
Our choices determine how our lives will play out more than our backgrounds. Amaranta Ursula, who came from a privileged, respected household lived a lonely life because of her own refusal to reconcile or even accept other people. Conversely, many people, including George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, have thrived in life due to their own actions. Therefore, an individuals decisions play a much greater role in a persons success and happiness than factors out of a persons control.
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<p>A persons success and happiness in life is very much determined based on their own choices. This is demonstrated by the character Amarantas bitterness in 100 years of solitude, people from difficult backgrounds, and by students experience in school. A persons actions play a key role in determining their future.
In the novel 100 years of Solitude, Amaranta Ursula is initially a carefree, happy young lady. However, she develops a bitter rivalry with her adopted sister, Rebeca, and also refuses two suitors who propose to marry her. This leads to her becoming lonely and isolated, and not an asset to her family or others. Amaranta spends her entire life alone because of her choices to distance herself from her family and friends. Her own decisions stop her from being able to live a prosperous or joyous life.
Another example is the many people from impoverished backgrounds who became successful later in life. One cannot choose how they are born, whether that is in terms of family status, financial status, or other factors. Many American presidents came from humble backgrounds. Abraham Lincoln and George Washington both never received formal instruction, but were self-taught and able to converse and debate with the most well-educated people. They implemented extremely successful policies, with Washington starting a new country that would become a superpower, and Lincoln keeping that country together through a civil war. Washington and Lincoln both actions led them to both become immensely successful despite their immutable humble roots.
High school students across the world also face a similar dilemma. Within the United States, students cannot control whether they have to work after school, the rigor of classes offered, the competition between classmates, or the support or lack thereof from the school and parents. Still, students who are dedicated and assiduous can surpass these obstacles, getting into good colleges and becoming successful in their chosen professions. By studying independently or foregoing social activities to focus on schoolwork, students can set themselves up for a happy and successful future.
Our choices determine how our lives will play out more than our backgrounds. Amaranta Ursula, who came from a privileged, respected household lived a lonely life because of her own refusal to reconcile or even accept other people. Conversely, many people, including George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, have thrived in life due to their own actions. Therefore, an individuals decisions play a much greater role in a persons success and happiness than factors out of a persons control.</p>
<p>Really, guys? 96 views . . and nothing? Come on - I could really use the help!</p>
<p>Use more specific examples for your 2nd and 3rd points… generalized examples like that are 8ish essays. You could pick either Washington or Lincoln… and then show that you know more about them than what the average second grader knows. The third paragraph is veryyyy general. Check out the guide to SAT essay on here and its advice on pre-researching examples!</p>
<p>Would you suggest usng 2 or 3 examples? I feel like on could go in more in depth with just 2. Would it have been better to use the first example, then talk in detail about Washington, and skip the 3rd paragraph?</p>
<p>Right now I’d give this essay a 5-6/12.</p>