Please help --- I don't understand why.....

College Confidential Community
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<p>I am currently attending my 2nd year at my JC.</p>

<p>Just turned 20 years old, male.</p>

<p>And my life is absolutely BORING. I wouldn’t say I’m miserable, because I have a house, food, and just about anything I need by my side, but i would mos def. say that my life is extremely “boring” and very absent, very empty when it comes to having a social life.</p>

<p>I practically lost all my friends in high school toward the end of my junior year (only had 2 good friends, that was it), we’d play basketball, hang out, etc.</p>

<p>now I am in JC and it is SO HARD to start from scratch.</p>

<p>I have made attempts to make new friends, and I do have some now, but these are “new acquaintances” - nothing more…</p>

<p>----> *why is it SO DIFFICULT to make new friends when you get older?</p>

<p>It’s not like grade school where you walk up to someone and automatically be friends (though I wish this would work nowadays…)</p>

<p>now when I try to make friends w/people, try 'n meet new people, they are willing to get to know me, but, the thing is that they are “busy” and always are talking on their cell phones (i hate cells), if they wanna hang out, they always tell me:</p>

<pre><code> “i’m not too sure, i’ll have to check my schedule, but I’ll let you know soon”
</code></pre>

<p>your schedule?! are you bill gates? HECK forget bill gates, even he has time to chill, instead say are you the President? are you a husband/wife? no…you’re a kick-back young adult whose in his late teens/early 20s, who should be out having fun, by not depending on “certain things” to show how important you are…</p>

<p>i just wish people wouldn’t make a <em>big deal</em> out of something when i ask them ‘you wanna hang out’ - i just wish they’d easily do it or easily say they can’t FOR THAT DAY…i absolutely hate “pending answers” …</p>

<p>if you’ve read this far i hope you’ve understood what i’m trying to say.</p>

<p>…i wish things were normal like they were in grade school…where NOBODY HAD A CELL PHONE (thank god), and if you wanted to chill…they’d be at your doorstop in the next hour…this is what i LOVED…fast, pronto service…and no “show off” of how “busy” a person is…</p>

<p>why can’t i make friends easily anymore?</p>

<p>people want to show off when they get older…i’ve noticed this…though this was never my case…</p>

<p>i want a simple buddy who is IMPORTANT, but doesn’t need to rely on “devices” (e.g., cells) or make it seem like a “big decision” (e.g., I need to check my SCHEDULE in order to see if I can HANG OUT W/YOU…") to impress me.</p>

<p>I know they might be busy, everyone is, but I hear this all the time…and every time I attempted to hang out w/a new friend, they’ve always given me this kind of embellished talk…and i just hate it, so I no longer really talk to them…</p>

<p>I can choose to get a cell phone, and use pretty talk to people who get to know me, and let them know that “i’d have to check my SCHEDULE to see if i could hang out w/you…” but I’m not like this, because I am a totally kick-back person…who will always hang out/easily go out whenevere I can.</p>

<p>anyone know what I can do to make friends as easily like you would in grade school?</p>

<p>help me. life is extremely boring and empty for me because I don’t have any buddies, and everyone is always wanting to show off.</p>

<p>are there not any true, original souls out there anymore.</p>

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<p>awww…im so sorry. one way you could make new friends is by joining some of the clubs and organizations at your JC. you could also find friends at the gym who need an extra person to play ball or joing a basketball league. it seems like your not only missing guy friends but “girl” friends too. try and talk to people in your class. joing a study group. volunteer. ask a girl you think is pretty out to the movies or something. theres nothing to lose. </p>

<p>you also mentioned your at your last year in JC. are you going to finish at a 4 year institution? if you are, then thats a new place to start over and meet a lot more new people. i guess since you have your own house you wouldn’t live in the dorms, but thats another place you can try and find others to talk too.</p>

<p>well, hope this helps. good luck!</p>

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<p>transfer…</p>

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<p>keep hope. I don’t have a cell. nor do I want one. I know of others.</p>

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<p>hey,</p>

<p>thanks for that input, coqui…i have joined some clubs recently…but i doubt it’ll go anywhere drastic…i make myself invovled as much as i can w/these club members, but when the weekend strolls around, most of 'em just go and hang w/their buddies; i guess i (along with certain club members) serve as “school club buddies” at the JC–nothing further…</p>

<p>yeah, i did say this this might be my last year at my JC, but I don’t know…I might have to stay an extra semester if the UC rejects me (my gpa is not the problem…it’s the UNIT requirement which will make them skeptical i guess).</p>

<p>in fact, i associated myself with too many chicks in my past, and I either wanted to date them or just ignore them…that’s why i don’t wanna hang w/girls, I only want guy hommies at this phase in my life right now…to gain back my confidence and self esteem.</p>

<p>but when you said ‘aw i’m sorry’ - that really did make me feel understood…and i thank you for knowing how i feel inside, since it is very difficult for me to tolerate this deep anxiety & loneliness.</p>

<p>cants…that was a very good response too…crap…usually when i get responses from people on these boards they are just heedless and shallow; they’d be like ‘deal w/it’ or ‘go read’ …but the words like</p>

<p>‘keep hope’ truly make me feel better…</p>

<h2>thank you, man.</h2>

<p>question: i heard the more you are “yearning” “wishing” or “wanting” for something to come true/happen very soon, the LONGER it will take and the HARDER it will be to obtain that something in your life.</p>

<p>can anyone verify that claim for me…because if it is true…I guess I ought to get my mind off it, and try something new/riveting that will help me forget all about this sorrow.</p>

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<p>you’re welcome. :)</p>

<p>and I don’t really believe that wishing for something so hard that it takes longer to happen is true. it might make time seem longer, but will not actually lengthen time, unless you become so focused you lose sight of other important things. like for example if you were trying to paint a masterpiece and spent so much time on it you neglected your health (not getting checkups or eating properly) you would break down eventually and have to spend a lot of time in the hospital, and then working jobs to pay off the bill before you could finish your painting.</p>

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<p>A lot of churches have adult recreation sports programs such as basketball and volleyball leagues. Even if you’re not particularly religious you might join a young adult group at a place of worship. Some of them have regular dinners, activities, etc. Some even have singles groups for the express purpose of helping people make friends. </p>

<p>Consider doing some volunteer work. Depending on how large your city is there should be a lot of opportunities available. You can really get to know people working on a fund raiser. </p>

<p>I hope things work out for you.</p>

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<p>you’re welcome man</p>

<p>i felt the same way everytime i moved (im a military brat). of course, like you said, i was younger, but still…i got through it. don’t worry, you’ll find friends sooner or later. i also don’t remeber you saying you had a job, but if you got one where people your age work, that might help too.</p>