<p>I am not sure if this is an issue yet but I am worried about so much.
Daughter is a sophomore and started dating with a boy. the boy told her he likes her but he is young, he will marry in the end sometime but not sure who will be that lady now.
The boy is handsome and many girl likes him. He have slept with many girls before. It seems like he didn’t have commitment.
Actually I want my daughter break up with him but she said:
What I can do? he said he likes me and I am happy with him. Maybe get long and we have a good ending? I don’t want to run away to give up now …</p>
<p>I didn’t post here but read a lot. Please help me on how to give daughter suggestion, please …</p>
<p>I’m not sure what you’re worried about, and have no idea why you want them to break up. It sounds like your daughter is doing fine dating a boy she finds appealing and doesn’t need any suggestions from you. Let her figure out her own dating life. No college boy contemplates marriage, so of course the young man she is dating has nothing to offer on this subject. It’s too soon, and they’re too young, to consider a long-term commitment. To put it less politely–butt out mom, this is none of your business!</p>
<p>From the writing style in your post, I suspect that you were not born in the United States.</p>
<p>The young man’s attitudes are not unusual for an American. Most young Americans his age are not ready to make long-term commitments. However, if the relationship lasts for several years, that situation might change. Some young couples who have been together for several years at college continue their relationships after graduation, and some eventually marry.</p>
<p>Your daughter can handle this. Your suggestions, although they are well-meaning, might end up confusing her because she is living in a culture that is probably not the same as the one that you lived in at her age.</p>
<p>aboutbf, you are going down the road that will cause other posters to label you as a ■■■■■–that is, a phony poster who’s just trying to stir up controversy. If your daughter is a college sophomore in the United States, your question seems awfully naive. The short answer is no, you shouldn’t set such a rule, but you should have an adult conversation with her about the implications of sexual activity, including pregancy and sexually transmitted diseases. If you’re not comfortable having that conversation, find somebody else who is.</p>
<p>Setting a rule like this is counterproductive because it means that if she does have sex – and there’s a fairly good chance that she will – she cannot get the most reliable types of contraception, such as birth control pills, as long as she is on your family’s health insurance because you would find out about it. </p>
<p>I’m sure that if your daughter does have sex, you want her to have access to the best possible gynecological care and contraceptive services. If you forbid sex, she won’t have that.</p>
<p>Sex education is a lifelong thing. By now she should know your opinion on sexual activity before marriage, and you have every right (and some might say, obligation) to share your concern with her about sexual involvement/overly emotional involvement with someone who is upfront about having no intention of marrying her. But you cannot control her behavior. I would tell her that if she chooses to be sexually active, to contact a doctor first. And maybe be sure he has been screened for sexual diseases.</p>
<p>OP : My children have friends whose parents believe they can make rules for dating and sex. What happens is that the children very politely deceive their parents about much of their lives. Sometimes I think these parents may be happy to just look the other way. If you want to know what is really going on, I don’t think you can really make rules for college children.</p>
<p>It is college, right?
The way I sometimes give advice to college age children is to tell constructive horror stories about other people. It gets my point across.</p>
<p>It sounds like you may be from another country. If so, then you may be experiencing a cultural gap. In this country, college kids are having sex…casually…without much/any commitment.</p>
<p>You need to talk to your D about birth control and protection from STDs. Tell her to go to the school’s health clinic. Telling her not to have sex isn’t going to work.</p>
<p>I think you should have a serious talk with your daughter. It sounds to me like you don’t know how she feels about this boy; she doesn’t know why you’d tell her not to have sex before marriage. I think the problem you’re likely to have with talking to her is that youi each want something different. My advice: LISTEN before you say anything. Agree with her to LISTEN but not tell her what to do; ask her to LISTEN without getting upset.</p>
<p>Then, once you’ve both listened to each other, stop talking. Leave it there. Let her think about what you’ve said. You should think about what she said.</p>
<p>Several people have told you “things are different in this country”. But that doesn’t mean that you want your daughter to have casual sex with a boy who isn’t committed to her! </p>
<p>I am about as liberal as they come, and I would hate for my children–my son or my daughter–to have sex with someone they didn’t share a good long-term relationship with. They know that.</p>
<p>^^^Yes to what dmd77 said! If we do not teach our daughters that a long-term relationship is a the best scenario for college-age sex, then they will experience the lonliness of vacant hook-ups with player boys.</p>
<p>If girls do not value themselves and act as mere playthings–and use boys as playthings-- there will just be a downward spiral of meaningless encounters and eventual self-loathing. We need to teach our kids to that love and respect are the goals, and the necessary paths to healthy sexual relationships.</p>
<p>thanks for all your input.
Yes I came from South Korea and the culture here is so different.
It seems like I can not set up a “no sex” rule, very sad.
I need to talk to her more and LISTEN more what she is thinking and try to build common foundation.
I understand they are too young to think about marriage but in this case I just can not understand why sex need to be a part of it. I still think dating for years without sex is better for them.
I will try to talk to her more and to see where we end.</p>
<p>There are few couples that will “date for years” without sex. Frankly, I don’t know a guy who could do that. That’s why in the “old days” people often didn’t “go steady” for very long…the guys had to pop the question to end the stalemate. ;)</p>
It gets my point across.</p>