Please help me proof read and edit my scholarship essay for firefighting.

I am applying for a Firefighting scholarship for a full two years. It is an opportunity for a 17,000.00 grant plus the ability to have 5 state certifications paid for as well. It is awarded to 12 students.

The requirements are this:
Please type a statement no more than two pages) addressing why you want to be a firefighter, the traits and strengths you have to contribute to the profession, and what you are hoping to gain while in training. This essay helps us to become acquainted with you as a person and a student. It will also demonstrate your ability to organize your thoughts and express yourself.

Any advice and/or criticism is appreaciated.

Essay:
The tale of two from the heart of one
This day starts just as any other. Up early, clothes, coffee and out the door. Thick fog hangs in the morning air, creating a beautiful peak through by the sun. With renewed confidence, hopping out of your car coffee in hand, and walk through the doors to ready begin another Tuesday at work, on a beautiful sunny summer day.
While on the 105th floor, working furiously on a portfolio to reach the deadline of Thursday, the lights flicker, causing you to look up from your laptop. An explosion rips through the silence. As you go to investigate, the pit of your stomach sinks.
You see the destruction only 120 feet away in the North Tower. The Tower is on fire. Sadness and confusion engulf you. As you begin to evacuate the building, turning to a window facing the North Tower, sadness turns to horror as you witness the desolation unfold in front of you. Watching people fall and jump to their death turns your stomach, tears run down your face and your heart wells with despair. You choke out encouraging words to your co-workers to keep going as you help them down the stairs. All the while, passing strange sights, piles of women’s high heels strewn about; briefcases and laptops that once held so much, now meant so little.
As you make your way down the stairs, passing the elevators watching the hundreds of people waiting for them, your friends, your colleagues, and many frightened faces urging them to come with you, desperately telling yourself your almost there while counting the numbered floor markers 76, 75, 74.
Suddenly, the building’s steps and handrails become liquid in your grasp and water beneath your feet. Cracking and crumbling around you the building begins to shake and twist as though it were a crashing surf, searing heat from above you throws doubts in your head, “We’re not going to make it” you tell yourself to scared to even speak it aloud. The deafening silence only spurs your despair. “NO!” you scream thru the smoke and press on. Leaning on each other and mustering the courage to keep walking.
37, 36, 35…
Almost sobbing at the sight of police and firefighters passing you on their way up, knowing as they did their fate. Still marching on to the sound of their brave hearts.
This story and all others like it command my compassion for not only survivors of that day but also survivors of everyday emergencies. That day touched my young life, and has fueled my dedication to becoming a firefighter.
Why? Why would I want to run into a burning building and put my life at risk?
The reasons are numerous:
Compassion, I knew my purpose and passion from that day on was to help protect and serve my community, to help them feel safe in times of great distress and disaster. The pride I feel in the men and women that give their lives and the ones who survive and continue serving the people of their community is insurmountable. What greater aspiration can one have than to serve?
I yearn to be part of a team and a community asset for people in their time of need. I want to be a role model for children and my time working at the Boys and Girls Clubs has helped instill that in me. I feel it is our duty to encourage and provide safety for them as well as the rest of the community. While working as a firefighter I am also excited for the camaraderie that I would have with my fellow workers. Working with a band of brothers or sisters that I trust is important to me.
I think that being a firefighter is an exciting and challenging career. One that will always be able to teach you things you cannot always learn in a classroom. I also understand that it will take a great deal of ongoing training and experience to be competent at this job. Knowing this I will need to strive to set goals and work hard to obtain them.
Another reason is there are many opportunities to pursue continual training. I would enjoy becoming and EMT and further down the road a Paramedic and continue to challenge myself. If I had the opportunity to pursue advanced training I would like to be considered for EMT/Paramedic training.
Because of my mechanical aptitude, and problem solving I believe working as a firefighter would be a great fit for me. Working with my hands and operating the plethora of equipment the fire service uses is one of the many things that draws me to this career.
My time working in construction and high stress environments at the BP Cherry Point Refinery under many different aspects will show that I am able to work calmly and effectively in high stress situations, adapt and overcome these by being flexible. I also believe that my knowledge of building construction and structural metalwork will be a great asset to the fire community.
Communication, I believe, is a huge part of working as a Firefighter. Whether it is resolving conflicts, report writing, including emailing, speaking with doctors and business owners, I understand the importance of professional, courteous, intelligent. I also understand that when working with the public active listening plays a huge role and is essential to any job.
My resiliency and dedication in working through tough jobs and always pushing myself is important. For example, I moved to Washington State as a 16 year old and by myself. I worked hard to become the first person in my family to obtain a diploma, while working two full time jobs. I also progressed at work and I was promoted at both of my jobs to the Lead Assistant. Years later, I left on great terms with these jobs to pursue another course of learning; Construction! Boy was that a hard change. However, I progressed and finally obtained a SMAW welding certificate while working as an industrial carpenter and concrete finisher. I also sought to broaden my knowledge and incorporate metal fabrication and removal. Then I used my skills to move on to becoming Safety Technician for our company. Then shortly after I received a certification as a DOT U/A and Breathalyzer Technician. Now after many years of hard work I finally have the opportunity to pursue my true passion. Firefighting!
True Grit is one of the many aspects I respect and admire in people that work in the fire service. I believe it takes a “different breed” to be an honest, reliable and passionate Firefighter. I think you can train anyone how to do a job, but I think true grit and self-sacrifice is something you must already have to become the best men and women in the fire service.
I hope to build on my knowledge and skills to be fully prepared for the tasks of a firefighter to pursue my career, to give my goals and dreams the opportunity to excel with the proper training. I wish to be able to network with people that have experience and enjoy their job and to eventually, work as a firefighter.

Consider switching the story in the beginning to the first-person POV. I think it would make the essay more personal to you and shows how YOU feel about firefighting, not how someone else would.