<p>Thanks, jyber… I wondered why my initial attempt at that word got ***ed!</p>
<p>I think 30 days no driving at that age is a long time and about right for the mistake. Another 30 days of practice with the parents only should be enough for both of you. If she looks like she is learning proper driving after 30 days lift the suspension. If not and she does anything majorly unsafe like not paying attention to the road–another 30 days practice with the parents only. Good driving is basically a habit you develop–or not in some cases.</p>
<p>I would go with merrymom’s advice. Clearly your DD seems very remorseful (2 page letter of apology). I do think that 30 days without driving would be appropriate as well. Something between merrymom’s suggestions (ie: lecture about driving, responsibility trust issues), upto 30 days without driving would be appropriate.</p>
<p>If the law does not provide for suspension of the driver’s license for this offense, then the court will not suspend it, regardless of a “petition” by the parent. So under your scenario, mini, there would be no driving-related penalty (and I can’t for the life of me figure out how “fasting” is a natural consequence). </p>
<p>Of course, if it’s not the parent’s car, and the parent isn’t paying for the insurance, then the parent can’t do anything. I made the assumption that it is, in fact, the parent’s car. Although the kid is still a minor.</p>
<p>I tend to agree with barrons. Rather than dole out huge draconian punishments, think about the unintended consequences. Do you want your daughter to try to “out run” the police next time she is exiting a party that has been busted? Do you want her to hide her traffic ticket from you when she gets into college, and then forget to show up for court? Try to balance loving parenting with the guillotine. I guess I can say this, because in our state it isn’t “illegal” to drive with an under-25 year old. Your D is only a “criminal” because of the place she lives.</p>
<p>Edit: What she really needs is a lot of conversing over the laws, and how to avoid breaking them.</p>
<p>I would tell her she won’t be driving for three months. At that time, you can evaluate her maturity again, and see if you feel she has the judgement to handle this responsibility. That’s what it’s about for me, poor judgement. The trust issue is secondary, actually, because the truth is she is not ready to drive because she isn’t ready to accept the laws of the road in California.
It’s not about punishment - it’s about her safety and the safety of others on the road, for which you are responsible as long as she is a minor.
I’d go back to driving her everywhere - school, work, social events, whatever. If you can’t do that because of your own work situation, let her go back to taking the bus or getting to school however she managed in the past. I’d also tell her that the three months is just an arbitrary point - if she hasn’t shown me that she has matured, and if I don’t think she can deal with the peer pressure, I’d go longer.
In California, kids know that this is a major infraction. I agree that she probably caved to pressure from friends as opposed to just trying to see if she could get away with it. She needs to grow up. As her mom, you will know when it’s time to try again.</p>
<p>There’s a reason 16 year olds are too young to be out running around on their own. Look at the statistics:</p>
<p>33% of 16 year old drivers will be in a serious
crash.
· 19% of 17 year old drivers will be in a serious
crash.
· 14% of 18 year old drivers will be in a serious
crash.</p>
<p>Punishment - pull any access to the car as a driver for 2 weeks, plus pay the ticket out of her own funds. After that, she must comply with the law to a “T” or the early driving privilege is revoked until she’s old enough to qualify for other permits.</p>
<p>As traffic accidents are perhaps the greatest killer of youth, she must understand the gravity of the responsibility when handling a device that is more dangerous than a firearm.</p>
<p>I am grateful that when my daughter was 16 and all her friends were getting their licenses, she said she wasn’t ready. She felt that she just wasn’t in a place where she could focus on what she needed to focus on in order to be a good driver at that point in her life. She was right, in my opinion. She got her license shortly after her 17th birthday.
My son was ready at 16, though. Different kids. He really wanted it, and it showed. He also has always been very coordinated and the type that can forsee consequences.
Just because the law allows driving at 16 doesn’t mean all kids are ready, emotionally or even physically. They grow in different ways at different rates.</p>
<p>I have to agree with the poster who said driving was the scariest thing she’s faced as a mother. I also love the suggestions of the defensive driving schools, both of my kids took these lessons. I was an ER doctor for many years.</p>
<p>Kids don’t have fully developed judgement at 16, in most cases the frontal lobe is still developing. The statistics on accidents are stunning for the under 20 set. I for one insisted on more than the state did from my kids in terms of training and rules. It just ups their chance of staying whole until their judgement is where it needs to be to handle a 4000 pound vehicle at 70MPH.</p>
<p>“I’m pulling your license”</p>
<p>“Mom, that’s so unfair, how long?”</p>
<p>“What do you mean how long? Forever”</p>
<p>My 2 cents again - this is a child who broke an important LAW within 12 days of having her license. I don’t think it matters how remorseful or sorry she is, she has show she is not mature enough to be driving. It’s really not about punishment it’s about consequences of making a very bad decision. Who cares if it isn’t illegal in other places, it is where this girl lives and she knew and she did it anyway. Does this action warrent serious consequences ONLY if she hurt some one?</p>
<p>Or fewer consequences if she’s trying to help someone?</p>
<p>I have to say that the wait until someone gets hurt comment astounded me and I think the parent who made it misspoke?</p>
<p>We made very serious rules about following the law regarding no passengers for the six months. Had son broken it (he has a month left), he knew he would lose his driving privileges, no matter what. Here, the license is automatically revoked by law, for 30 days, first offense. That is the minimum, as far as I am concerned.</p>
<p>Even once S has his real license, not just the Junior Operator, we are limiting the number of people he can take (to one, for at least the first couple of months).</p>
<p>Even great kids just do not take driving anywhere seriously enough. They all are distracted by phones, friends and Ipods/radios. It is a stage of parenting I really dislike quite a lot.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>You must be kidding.
If someone gets hurt, she’ll be facing jail time very likely, and the fact that she broke the law while doing so will make for extra punishment.</p>
<p>I also have to wonder about someone who broke a law only 12 days after receiving the pamphlet about it. I don’t care how sweet a kid she is. Multiple citations? How about teaching respect for the law?</p>
<p>Am I alone in knowing 17 year olds who have been in multiple accidents? Let’s face it, someone is letting these kids get back behind THEIR wheel. It’s good to hear everyones perspective to really think about what rules we set for our kids when driving in the car of others.</p>
<p>I agree with the fact that your 16 yo, who within 12 days of getting her license at the age of only 16, broke an important law and broke your trust; she deserves to bear the consequences. And the trust issue is the biggest problem for me as well. Its not about punishment, its about consequences of poor decisions.</p>
<p>My D also got her license at 16. Two weeks later she went to pick up D2 at an evening practice. In backing up carefully out of a straight (and not angled) parking spot in a very small parking lot at the gym, she swung the car to the right to avoid a car that she thought she was too close to on the left. She had plenty of room on the right–so she though. It was a green space between parking spots. But it had a skinny tree that she didn’t see. She hit it in such a way they she was wedged into it. She did more damage getting unwedged. Not a huge big deal, except she felt so horrible about it that she could not bring herself to tell us. She told sis to be mum; it was late and they came home and went to bed. She had the next day off from school, and was out early to have breakfast with a friend. And to get the car out of the driveway before I saw it. Finally that night, she admitted she had to tell us something… It would have been a whole lot easier if she had just come home and 'fessed up. I was upset that she didn’t tell us, and told her best friend’s mom before telling her folks.
She was grounded for a bit, then allowed to drive only to school and work. And not only was she to pay for the damage, she was only allowed to pay for the damage once she paid for other things that were more important first, put money into savings etc. We had bought a used car that was in nice shape for its 75,000 miles. Until this. She basically has had to drive around with the rather large dent in the front of the car for nearly a year. Initially she was EMBARRASSED. Then she admitted that it reminded her every day that she had to drive carefully. Or suffer the consequences. I think for her 17th birthday in Sept I will surprise her and get it fixed. We have not had an incident since.</p>
<p>I do feel bad for the kids, because their abilty to see the consequences of their actions are still limited at age 16 or 17, and there is a lot of peer pressure. I know that my own are not yet ready for that kind of responsibility. One of the near fatal accidents happened right outside my house- I think that’s when I decided that we were going to be stricter about driving than anything else. A bright, vivacious young lady was driving in a snowstorm, talking on her cell phone, and slid into a truck. Two years later, she is still in a nursing home, and once in a while we will get a group email that says something like “we’re so happy, she learned how to swallow applesauce today.” Shudder- I don’t ever want to be in that situation.</p>
<p>Chiming in – I think no driving at all for some period of time sounds like a good idea. I guess it is up to you how long. At least a month, though. She won’t give friends rides if she knows that she will lose ALL driving privileges if it happens again. Nothing more embarrassing than having a parent drive you everywhere when everyone knows you have a license.</p>
<p>My oldest son didn’t drive until he was 18 (after he graduated from high school) and for that I was glad. I know that there would have been too much pressure to give rides to groups of highschool kids had he gotten it earlier. </p>
<p>The other son has no interest in driving and still doesn’t have a license, even though he is in college. The daughter didn’t have much access to the car, because the parents were using the two cars we have most of the time, so not much opportunity for her to break the rule of no driving with kids in the car for the first six months of driving, anyway. </p>
<p>No reason they have to drive everywhere just because they turn 16.</p>
<p>Marite and Mary - there are all degrees of hurt, of course I wasn’t referring to anything serious.</p>
<p>The point I was trying to make is that this is only the beginning. My children had multiple tickets and accidents. Of course I got upset and there were consequences. </p>
<p>But, if you are going to let your kid drive as a teen, it is normal teen behavior to get tickets and have accidents. You react appropriately, not like a Nazi.</p>
<p>Insurance companies know this and that is why their rates are higher.</p>