<p>I feel, in addition to withdrawing driving priveleges in some of the combinations suggested above, that teens who abused driving privileges should ALSO be required to log in some positive time on weekends volunteering at a hospital or rehab center. I think this gives them time to think about the fact that their driving behaviors have consequences to others. Should they cause injury to others, or end up in these places themselves, it could be a result of having another peer in the car (as the OP’s state recognizes), using a cell phone, speeding, or all the things people get tickets for.</p>
<p>I’m for “victim restitution” before there ARE victims of careless thinking and reckless behavior. </p>
<p>Call the volunteer department of a hospital and see if some weekend hours can be arranged. And do not brag about these hours on college apps.</p>
<p>I think this is the time to be Nazi-mom. This was not an accident or inexperience behind the wheel or inadvertent traffic infraction - this was deliberate law breaking (how ever minor the law is viewed by some). How about drinking and driving? Only a big deal the second infraction? </p>
<p>I’ll be the first to admit I’m a nazi-mom about teen driving. I wish more parents were.</p>
<p>Skier-Mom - I speak as an experienced parent of teens who have experienced driving. Lots of driving to many activities, busy social lives AND MANY MOUNTAINS IN THE SNOW TO SKI-SLOPES.</p>
<p>As a previous health professional, I have seen more than any of you probably have of extreme car accidents and the consequences.</p>
<p>In addition, when my older ones were teens, I was considered the most over-protective parent in the neighborhood. Everyone wanted their kids to hang out with my kids. They knew they’d be safe.</p>
<p>You needn’t be a Nazi to teach your child the right thing.</p>
<p>I am no expert on these matters, but new poster, only a few posts and a position no parent I know would own up to, ■■■■■?</p>
<p>Merrymom, if you are serious, no, it is not normal to get several tickets and be in trouble multiple times behind the wheel. Not even close to normal or OK. A child who repeatedly offends is not mature enough to have a license and the parents need to pull it before the law does.</p>
<p>Yes there are degrees of hurt and as a doctor I have not seen any degree I want my children to suffer. I’ll use my judgement until they can use their’s where I have a choice.</p>
<p>I would try to take a measured and thoughtful approach regarding the situation.</p>
<p>The main reasons are that your daughter has already shown remorse and written a 2 page letter. Nice start. Secondly, the poor decision was at least partially due to altruistic motives (helping a friend). </p>
<p>Ask her what she thinks an appropriate response should be, and why.</p>
<p>I think it depends on how much your child drives.
Mine drove frequently. For two boys over 4 years who drove all over the country to many activities, I don’t think several fender benders and speeding tickets are unusual. I would have preferred none.</p>
<p>Merrymom: No, it is not normal teen behavior to deliberately flout a law only 12 days after getting a pamphlet about it. </p>
<p>Teens are inexperienced, they are not good judges. The do cause more accident because of their inexperience. But they are not universal law breakers and abusers of their parents trust. You and I must know different teens.</p>
<p>I will not stoop to name-calling. Please do not PM me.</p>
<p>If/when you decide to let her drive again, have a bumper sticker printed up for the car she drives!! (Surely it’s not HER car!) Something along these lines: “If I’m not driving safely, call my mom at 345-6789. I’ve betrayed her trust she needs you to watch out for me.”<br>
Make it similar to the bumper stickers you’ve seen on trucks: How’s my driving? Call my boss at 123-4567. This plan may be a bit harsh, but it would probably reap positive results!!!</p>
<p>The trust factor is the real issue here and is so often lost on teens who know everything. Defiance of the law and of parental rules is a serious thing. Takes a long, long time to regain that trust.</p>
<p>Good luck to you! Many of us have walked in those shoes and it’s NO fun.</p>
<p>Bay, I sympathize. My party-giver is a good kid who has the peer pressure resistance of a cotton ball. Poof! He told kids we were out for a long night and Poof! Kids came over with alcohol. Call his defense system a permeable barrier.</p>
<p>Funny thing is, I completely misjudged which child would be the feather weight and which one would be the ton of bricks (immoveable by friend or foe). Mini claims consequences don’t work. I am not sure if he’s referring to the entire penal system–but consequences worked well for my particular cotton ball.</p>
<p>"She so flagrantly violated your admonishment (not to mention breaking the law) SO SOON after earning the privilege to drive, which warrants pretty serious consequences in my book. My opinion is that she has completely broken any bond of trust concerning driving and must earn it back.</p>
<p>I’d probably do a graduated system of getting privileges back, something like:
FIRST, NO DRIVING AT ALL for 3 months. She doesn’t deserve it and clearly doesn’t appreciate the serious responsibility she was given."</p>
<p>I agree with this. The reason that the law forbids new drivers from driving persons under 25 is that having such passengers greatly increases their chances of having an accident. It’s just too easy for new drivers to get distracted with young friends in the car.</p>
<p>Your D risked her own and her friend’s life, and I think that it’s important that you give your D a punishment that matches the seriousness of her infraction. As were others who posted here, I’m concerned about how quickly and flagrantly your D violated the law. Her actions don’t bode well for her being able to drive safely.</p>
<p>IMO if she was counting on driing in order to get to work or to some activity, unless the activity is essential (such as if your family needs the money she gets from her job), she still shouldn’t be allowed to drive at all for a while.</p>
<p>Marite- You are correct, that was inappropriate, especially as a Jew. However, I feel some of the parents are having extreme overreactions and suggesting severe punishments, and that is what came to mind. My apologies.</p>
<p>Had to go back and read mini’s posts, and this may be a little off topic, but – fasting? seriously? </p>
<p>I have to ask, because I don’t recall ever having heard of that as a consequence for misbehaviour. Have never thought of doing that as a consequence for disobedience. </p>
<p>How to enforce? And if child won’t agree? Why does it work better than giving up something else – why better to give up food as opposed to driving the car?</p>
<p>I would advise no driving alone for 3 months, though she can drive with a parent in the car, to improve her driving skills. Then for the next 3 months, driving only to school, job or sports and always alone. Any infractions and I would pull the keys until she is 17.</p>
<p>A friend of mine has a daughter who totaled the family BMW the day after getting her license. She just misjudged the corner she was turning. Her dad was philosophical about it. There was no question of punishment. She had not done anything illegal nor had she broken her parents’ trust. She’d just been an inexperienced driver. This is not the case under discussion.</p>
<p>It drove me crazy that I was the only parent among my daughter’s friends who cared about this issue – that is, that didn’t want my daughter either driving other kids, or to be a passenger in a car driven by kids, until it was legal. It’s nice to see all these parents here who do believe in following the law. </p>
<p>I once caught my daughter as a passenger with a friend who should not have been driving her yet. I told the mother. Absolutely nothing was done. I suspect my daughter broke the rules, too, but I never caught her. If I had, I would have revoked her driving privileges for a while (not sure how long – at least 2 weeks).</p>
<p>"Had to go back and read mini’s posts, and this may be a little off topic, but – fasting? seriously?</p>
<p>I have to ask, because I don’t recall ever having heard of that as a consequence for misbehaviour. Have never thought of doing that as a consequence for disobedience."</p>
<p>I am being perfectly serious, because it is directed at what, at bottom, is a breach of trust. And for there to be a breach of trust, there is a break in relationship, and both parties have at least a little bit of fault. In this case, Mom wasn’t aware (or may have avoided the fact, having her teen drive being so convenient) that she had placed too much in the way of responsibility on her d’s shoulders, responsibility that she wasn’t yet ready to handle. Fasting (on the parent’s part) is an excellent strategy for bringing focus back into their relationship. </p>
<p>“How to enforce? And if child won’t agree? Why does it work better than giving up something else – why better to give up food as opposed to driving the car?”</p>
<p>It is NOT The child who gives up food; it is the parent.</p>