Please help score my SAT essay

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Prompt: Are we free to make our own choices in life, or are our decisions always limited by the rules of society?</p>

<p>Jean Paul Sartre once said, “Main is free to write the script for his own life.” he is right. We are free to make our own choices in life. Although society may try to limit us, there are plenty of people who have broken through the boundaries society draws around them to pursue their own dreams. Marie Curie and Ariel, the mermaid, are examples of people who dare to dream.</p>

<p>Marie Curie is a female scientist from Poland. During her time, science was mostly dominated by males. It was customary then for women to stay at home and care for the family. But Marie Curie was very interested in conducting experiments and working in the laboratories to discover new elements. People scorned her at first and doubted her abilities because of her gender. Despite all that, Marie Curie continued with her experiments and refused to give in to society’s discouragements. In the end, she made great advances in science and contributed greatly to society. Marie Curie is definitely someone who refused to be confined by the rules of society. She shows us that we are free to make our choices in life no matter the rules of society.</p>

<p>Like Marie Curie, Ariel, the little mermaid created by Walt Disney also makes choices against the rules of society. Having lived in the ocean for all her life, Ariel’s dream is to become a human for a day. her father’s blatant disapproval, her fellow mermaid’s disdain, and her friends’ warnings did nothing to stop her from pursuing her dream. Her society prohibited her fraternizing with humans, yet she disobeyed and eventually married a human prince. Clearly, Ariel did not let the restrictions society places on her deter her from becoming a human and falling in love with a human man.</p>

<p>IN conclusion, we are free to make our own choices. Often times, the rules of society can deter us, but through persistence and a strong determination, our choices will always prevail. Marie Curie and Ariel, although restrained by society, never let society stop them from pursuing their dreams. IN the same way, we must dare to make choices in life no matter what society allows.</p>

<p>*Please help me score this and explain why you gave it that score. It would really help me improve my essay a lot. Thanks :)</p>

2

<p>Great! I give 11/12.
I’m not good in essay writing but I can make good points on different topics. Everything is perfect, in my view. (Maybe someone consider otherwise.) But I didn’t give 12/12 because points(Marie Curie, Ariel) are not known prevalently. So we cannot check truth about that points. I suggest using ubiquous points, such World Ware2, Cristophor K., US history, J.Washington, and etc.
P.S Now I’m studying US history(general facts, events) to get high score on my essay.</p>

3

<p>Thesis and thinking are good, though insufficiently supported with examples. Try to add some precision and detail (in fewer words) to give your analysis more strength. I found the Marie Curie point rather unconvincing. I’d expect this to score a 10.</p>

<p>I totally disagree with the above post. Marie Curie and The Little Mermaid are certainly known “prevalently,” while using generic examples such as “World Ware2” and “J.Washington” (G.Washington, perhaps?) will only serve to undermine the value of your examples.</p>

4

<p>Maybe your’re right, but it’s my opinion. I didn’t suggest using World War for this topic. I mentioned in general.</p>

5

<p>maybe “Marie Curie, Ariel” is prevalently in your country. In order you to understand, do you know who is “Anatoliy Sagalevich”?</p>

6

<p>I suggested against using World War in general, not just for this topic.</p>

<p>I’m not sure what you’re trying to argue with the “Marie Curie, Ariel” vs “Anatoliy Sagalevich.” However, to put it beyond doubt for you that these are well known examples, below is the number of search results yielded from Google for each topic.</p>

<p>Marie Curie: 3,120,000 results
Ariel the Little Mermaid: 4,020,000 results
Anatoly Sagalevich: 22,100 results</p>