please help to improve my thesis statement

College Essays
1

<p>ESSAY QUESTON: Analyze, evaluate and compare the general perspective about gays in the USA or in Europe with that of Turkey. Decide, whether gays in Turkey should have the same/ similar rights with the ones in the West.</p>

<p>MY THESIS STATEMENT: In the West, gays are behaved equally by people and they have laws that protecting their rights while gays in Turkey are generally pressured because of people’s beliefs and traditions. Gays in Turkey should have the same rights with the ones in the West, since it cannot be accepted not officially letting them have the same rights because of religious reasons in secular countries where religion and official laws must be separated and human rights require equality and non-discrimination. </p>

<p>How could this thesis be better?</p>

<p>I also need supportive ideas for the reasons below</p>

<p>There are two reasons in my thesis:</p>

<p>(1)Gays in Turkey should have the same rights with the ones in the West, since it cannot be accepted not officially letting them have the same rights because of religious reasons in secular countries where religion</p>

<p>(2)human rights require equality and non-discrimination.</p>

2

<p>I made a little change</p>

<p>In the West, homosexuals are treated equally by other citizens and they have laws that protect their rights while in Turkey they are discriminated because of people’s beliefs and traditions. Gays in Turkey should have the same rights with the ones in the West, since it cannot be accepted not officially letting them have the same rights because of religious reasons in secular countries where religion and official laws must be separated and human rights require equality and non-discrimination.</p>

3

<p>!! just write what you think</p>