Please help with essay; evaluation and tips!!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Hey guys, I am a student from Germany preparing for the SAT I for October.
As a non-native speaker I am going to face some difficulties hereby; for example with the essay. I´d like to post my essay and ask you for an assessment and some tips. Maybe you could try to predict a score. Thanks a lot!! (You are very welcome to correct ANY grammatical expression or odd phrase ^^)</p>

<p>Assignment: What must we do to truly understand ourselves?</p>

<p>To provide an appropriate reply to the question what we must do to truly understand ourselves I want to refer to both of the given quotations. Benny Friedan claims that it is creative work that enhances the confrontation with ourselves and makes us get to know our own personalities. Additionally Carl Jung’s quotation states that an interaction between human beings supports proper introspection of individuals. I hold the view that both contentions have to be combined to attain a satisfactory answer to the given question.
If a person genuinely and frankly faces another person and thus tries to get to know him or her he comes to seeing the differences between his own behavior and that of the other. This is a very effective illustration of the own traits and gives necessary information for your “self-analysis”. But an imperative prerequisite for being able to recognize the described disparity is the knowledge of your own character to a certain extent. It is like comparing two different flowers with each other. You will only be able to notice and name the differences in scopes like production of oxygen and differing prosperity if you have sufficient insight in particular biological topics. So due to creative work you get to know yourself and special traits that can be assigned to you. For a thorough and exhaustive realization of these features you encounter people who differ from you significantly in certain realms.
However, lacking introspection and confrontation with you may lead to lacking consciousness for the described realization.
A demographical example is the German society. After World War II many Germans tried to drive out any reminiscence of their own history and culture. Thus they came to forget who they used to be and who they want to be because they denied facing their own culture. Now many Germans do not know what to reply to the question of national identity even when they compare themselves with different countries. In my opinion they have to encounter their history and culture and work it out to be able to find a national identity.
Ultimately I come to conclusion that confrontation with ourselves and with different types of persons is necessary to find out who we actually are.</p>

2

<p>please folks, there are 16 days left and I urgently need feedback… do me that favor! Thanks!</p>

3

<p>Isn’t there arebody willing to provide some help?? =((</p>

4

<p>Two things strike me from your essay.</p>

<p>Your introduction doesn’t provide me much information more than what I already know. The first and last sentences of your introduction tell me the same thing. With essays, you want to continue to introduce new ideas.</p>

<p>In addition, you write fairly complex sentences as a non-native speaker, but there is something choppy about the flow.</p>

<p>The central idea behind what you are saying, however, I understand, and perhaps that is what counts.</p>

5

<p>I have posted this before as it helped my D. Her only disagreement was she thinks personal anecdotes are OK if used in moderation. I’m afraid I’ve lost the name of the OP. Good luck!</p>

<p>How to Score a 12 on the Essay – A Miniguide </p>

<p>I scored a 12 on both the March and June SAT essays, so I thought I would write up some spicy tips for you all to do the same.</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Read the Quote and the Question. Most kids open the first page of the question booklet and skip the quote, heading right to the question. The quote is there for a reason, though. It gives you some instant mental imagery, sets the tone for the question, and ignites your critical thinker. It is highly probable that you won’t know the author of the quote, but if you do, it would definitely be prudent to at least mention that person and his or her ideas briefly in the essay (on the same topic, of course). Read the quote twice if you have to. Otherwise, move onto the question. Read the question ten times if you have to, noting how it is phrased. Realize that the questions must be politically correct and are supposedly “philosophical,” which means they are questions of truth and knowledge. You must fully understand the question to proceed. If you misread it and write off-topic, the results could be disastrous.</p></li>
<li><p>Time is not on your side. The test prep books will tell you how to manage your time, but the fact is that there’s barely enough time for any type of planning. You do not have time to create an outline! Immediately after comprehending the question, begin your first sentence! You need every second possible. If, after reading the question, your mind begins to race with ideas (which is the best possible scenario), jot a few letters down in the test booklet to refresh your memory, but that’s it! The ideal situation is to spend just a minute or two on the quote and question, dive into writing, and have a minute to spare at the end to search for grammatical errors or to upgrade your word choice in a few areas. However, you don’t want to have to stop in the middle of a sentence when time is called, so bring a watch with a built-in stopwatch if possible. Try not to look at it for the majority of the essay’s duration, though.</p></li>
<li><p>Examples, Examples, Examples…and more Examples. This is the fuel of your essay. You need to keep thinking of examples as you write. Personal anecdotes will not work (e.g. At my school, I volunteer every week…). You need solid examples that carry at least partial academic weight (for instance, a well-known person, historical event, movie, philosophical concept, etc). The more examples you have, the more you have to write about, and the better your argument becomes. Many people have stated that since these essays are read by english teachers, it is a good idea to include books as examples. I think there is validity in this belief; however, you want the reader to think of you as a “culturally enriched” student, so draw from all types of examples, current events, entertainment, whatever!</p></li>
<li><p>Stay Focused. It’s easy to lose sight of what the question is asking. In each paragraph, re-read the question to tie it all together. You don’t want to write two whole pages only to realize that you digressed majorly and went off on a tangent. You can easily lengthen your essay by continuing to mention how your examples fit with the topic. </p></li>
<li><p>Content is King, but it won’t guarantee a 12. Ever since that MIT professor found a correlation between length and scores, everyone assumes that longer essays get higher scores. It’s true, but only because the more capable students usually have more to say and more to think about. Writing just to fill up space won’t ensure a high mark (in fact, the more a reader sees of your writing style or lack thereof, the more it may in fact hurt you). Many of my friends filled up both pages until the last line and still received 10’s. This reaffirms the fact that it’s what you write and not how much you write. (I will note, though, that I did fill up every line provided on both of my essays).</p></li>
<li><p>Prepackage, but also let it Flow. Think of some well crafted sentences and vocabulary that you know you want to use in the essay. Broad but insightful statements work very well as they can be applied to almost any essay the SAT writers throw at you. The readers <em>will</em> award more points just because there is an indication of planning. During the week or night before the test, lay out some vocab words which you are familiar with but which are still academic (don’t use anything too far above your level). You can also think of some broad examples (for instance, editorialist Thomas Friedman has been writing recently about how the world is “flat” since jobs are being outsourced to India and China – this could work for that job essay prompt, the majority rule question, practical skills, creativity…you name it!) Still, you should allow yourself a good amount of flexibility, so don’t try to memorize an entire 2 page essay – you could end up reading the question and panicking since your ideas don’t fit the topic.</p></li>
<li><p>Forget conventional American writing. The 5-paragraph essay format practically breeds mediocrity. It’s true that you need some type of introduction, and you will need insightful concluding marks, but anything in between should be up to you. On my essays, I had solid introductions but only a couple sentences for the conclusions. There are no rules, so as in the previous tip, let it Flow. If your ideas require one continuous paragraph for the whole essay, so be it. That probably isn’t a great idea, but you shouldn’t stress yourself out with having three main examples fit perfectly into three main body paragraphs. You are allowed to break a new paragraph just for one or two sentences if you so desire. Whatever you do, make sure it’s on your terms. In European countries and around the world, they use a “spiral” format, which uses the whole essay to discuss many viewpoints, and then they arrive at a thesis in the conclusion. For the SAT essay, it doesn’t even matter if your thesis isn’t the most prominent line – so don’t spend time crafting a perfect thesis.</p></li>
<li><p>Have a point of view. Go for a “nonconformist” view, even though that doesn’t mean taking an opposte side to the question. Go for the point of view that somehow embraces the beauty of life, succeeding, and progress (it sounds corny, but it works). Don’t depress the reader…impress him or her with a new and innovative direction on the prompt.</p></li>
<li><p>Write Legibly. If your reader has to squint to read your essay, it will slow the person down, paying more attention to grammatical errors and other inconsistencies in your essay. Write clearly so that the reader can zoom through and be “wow’ed” by the end of it. </p></li>
<li><p>Retaking the SAT? Recycle your essay thoughts. There are no rules against recycling your own ideas. It will be a different grader and a different test, so if you liked the essay you wrote from a past administration, feel free to use some of the same vocabulary, examples, or concepts. Obvious? Yes. Effective? Definitely.</p></li>
</ol>

6

<p>Thank you very much!
I’m looking forward to more evaluations! Going to post a new essay then!
This board is really a great help!!</p>

7

<p>Entomom: Can you post your two 12 essays here? It’s going to help everyone. Thanks.</p>

8

<p>kaka,
As I said above, I didn’t write this mini guide. I copied it from a CC thread over a year ago and unfortunately didn’t save the poster’s name. Sorry I can’t help :(</p>