<p>Okay so for my personal essay on the common app, I plan to start it with the exact scene of grandpa’s death due to stroke. I then plan to develop this by leading to my work experience at a intern in biomedical research. I might also consider other activities relating to health.</p>
<p>Is this topic too broad and cliche? I mainly want to discuss about my intern experience. But starting the essay with the deathscene, is this a good idea?</p>
<p>Well, i just want to talk about my internship and biomedical research. However, I do not know how to start it off and lead to my research. Ugh, any suggestions?</p>
<p>you could just talk about your research, but you need to make sure the adcoms can tell that you love what you do and have a great understanding of what you’re trying to accomplish. Make sure you are very specific and don’t be repetitious.</p>
<p>I think the transtion from your grandfather to the research could work, but I think you almost feel like that’s the way you think you’re supposed to write the essay. However, the purpose of the personal statement is that it’s supposed to be a reflection of you, not of the admissions process.</p>
<p>Either way the essay will work so long as it’s written well. The transition may be hard, though it’s very possible to do.</p>
<p>Just make it yours and the adcoms will enjoy it.</p>
<p>If you’re going to say something like “my grandfather’s stroke inspired me to go into biomedical research…” I think that’ll be a bit cliche. I think that if you want to emphasize research in your application, you should just go ahead already and write about research without the lead-in with your grandfather’s death. I’ve heard that they already get plenty of grandparent death essays, so it might help to just refrain from writing that, imho. …</p>
<p>rainycafe hit it on the head. Above all, let it flow, and, depending on the writing style, rhetoric, etc., the reader will automatically be drawn in.</p>
<p>From another viewpoint–an example–many political speeches are intrinsically the same. Yet some are really famous. In the same way, you can make this work with, as people said, good editing and attention to detail. Another thing–adcoms can usually tell if what you’re saying seems at odds. Be absolutely no one but yourself.</p>
<p>Also-staring an essay with a graphic depiction of someone’s death may not be the best way to introduce yourself, on paper, to an admissions officer.</p>
<p>No, it’s not only about how you write. Style does not trump content, and adcoms aren’t stupid enough to be mesmerized by purple prose/writing. Focused, logical content is necessary. Almost as important is how you convey that content; this is where your syntax, diction, rhetorical devices, etc. come in. (God knows Hemingway’s style was a bit too simplistic, but as his critics said, he was honest and sincere in his writing, which had depth and meaning despite being so simple.)</p>