"Before I go further ahead, I would like to point out the fact that, ‘Lying is absolutely not the right thing to do’. "
Take out the “before I go further ahead” part, as it’s self-referential and really doesn’t add value. Also, if your first sentence is serving as the model for your thesis, be declarative. Take out the “I would like to point out”, and be more to the point. (ie. As demonstrated by example A, B, and C, lying is absolutely not the right thing to do.) As for the “lying is not the right thing to do”, why did you quote it? Also, the wording seems slightly juvenile, so replace it with the idea of lying causing more problems than it solves.
“Truth might not help you either”
For the SAT essay, never acknowledge any type of counter-example. Your reader doesn’t have enough time to realize what you are doing, and it just makes your essay sound wishy-washy and unfocused.
“but at least you’re doing the right thing”
I almost hesitate to dismiss this as a platitude, but it’s not really an argument. There are better ways to state why lying is bad, and it’s much better to prove something demonstrable (ie. it creates more problems than it solves) than to say something that is not truly arguable.
It appears that you’re trying to refute the quote that you introduced, and I would advise that you not use that type of format. It takes too long to think of a proper quote, and since you aren’t using it as evidence, just attribute the idea to common belief.
“Well, no.”
That isn’t a sentence.
“Lying doesn’t help you at all, as I above said it”
First, you should not self-reference your essay (it’s really bad form, especially for something this short), and while you may have said it, you haven’t provided any examples to prove it. If this were an actual argument, I would be inclined to believe the other side, since whoever C.E. Ayers is, he must be important enough to be addressed by name, and therefore add credence to your opponent.
“makes the circumstance much harder and complicated.”
Show me examples; don’t merely tell me.
“Parting you from the person you’re lying to and leaving you with regrets and guilt.”
This is along the lines of how you should prove your point, but you should show me an actual example. Make up a book where the protagonist loses his wife because of his willingness to lie. Make up an example about a person whose habit of lying in the workplace led him to commit fraud, and lose his job and freedom. The SAT graders won’t know/care if you make up examples.
Show me something tangible; don’t moralize.
“Honesty is the best policy.”
This is trite.
“We’ve been hearing this since the day we’ve learnt how to walk and being honest is apparently always the right thing to do whether you admit it or not.”
What if I choose not to admit it? You haven’t really shown me why I should.
“Like, when you lie to someone you love, it does not only makes you take a step backwards but also leaves you guilty and breaks the other person down, because eventually the truth always catch up to us one way or another.”
Take out the “like”; it doesn’t belong in formal writing. Again, showing me why I should fear getting caught in a lie is much better than telling me that I can. You need to present actual examples.
“So what’s better? Letting go of something precious to you by lying or hold on to it by telling the truth.”
Don’t present choices; your examples should make you confident enough in your argument to assert that there is only one way to do/see things (ie. yours). If you made a clear argument, you should tell me that I will lose something precious by lying, and only hold onto it by being truthful.
You appear to have missed the point of the SAT essay. The ideas that you have presented are good guiding concepts (e.g. don’t lie because you might get caught), but you need to provide actual examples to back them up. Until you do, this essay really couldn’t get much more than a 2 (it’s also far too short for what the reader would be otherwise expecting).
I’d suggest that you read other essays that have worked before you start writing another response. You need to change the way you think about crafting your response, and that will take some time.
As well, try to make your writing more formal. “Like” is a word used in conversations as a filler word, and it oftentimes shows a lack of complex thought. Unless you’re making a simile, don’t use it, and you especially shouldn’t use it to start a new paragraph/sentence.