Please look at my saucebox essay

I don’t know which ending is better, so I posted both of them as below.
As an international student whose native language is not English, I really need your help improving the language!


One day in my sixth grade, while first trying to use the computer after moving to a new house, I kept getting ‘Invalid password’ as a response. I didn’t use that computer for long, and to make matters worse, I had already forgot the password. After trying every password I could think of, I sank in the armchair, helplessly gazing at the screen.

I didn’t give up. I thought naively that to find the password is just a hide-and-seek game. The only thing mattered was whether I could find out where password lived in the computer. I sneaked out to the toolbox. I fetched a screwdriver. I opened the box… I was chuckling! I saw the tangle of lines and cards inside! Then you can imagine what I did — I unplugged every card, socket and slot—looking for the slightest symbol indicating the hidden password. Soon my room was covered with a sea of willfully disposed cards, lines, and boxes…

A while later, after I had examined every inch of the computer, I sank in the floor, gazing at the computer again. I had to admit there seemed to be no hide-and-seek at all… How frustrating!

‘Bob! What on earth are you doing!’ my mother screamed.
‘Don’t worry about me, Mom. Another Bill Gates is emerging!’
‘Be careful…’

My mother was not that upset because this computer had long been outmoded, but in my heart were only turbulences. I cannot agree more with a Chinese proverb “the ignorant has no fear.” At that time, I made the worst decision: I tried putting it up once again. To me, assembling was supposed to be as hard as dismantling. The computer survived till the moment I pressed the power button, when I heard an ominous noise, saw a puff of smoke, and caught the smell of burnt plastic…

I became obsessed with learning about the principles behind the parts of computer. I spent almost all my leisure time reading computer books. After I knew why I had fried my computer, I spent time trying to fix it. Finally, I tried switching it on again, while my heart beat very fast. The screen popped up!

Then I found my interest for computer science increasing. Since then I have built my own computer, and I gradually moved from the simple assemblage of hardware to learning constructing websites and writing programs in Visual BASIC. Little did I expect when I picked up that screwdriver in the fifth grade that, several years later, computer science would become one of my major interests and the source of much satisfaction.

That fried computer of 1999 guided me on the road to a valuable expertise. I often wonder if I would have been stimulated to learn so much about computers had someone just told me how to set up a password and had I never childishly searched for it in the guts of the machine. (1. But there is something more than the pure computer knowledge. I was once a big saucebox, and I was glad because I became dare to invent ideas, make changes, and solve problems independently.) (2.Yes, sometimes I am such a saucebox, but I appreciate this, because I dare to invent ideas, make changes, and solve problems.)

<p>Nice essay, other than a few grammatical issues. I like the freshness and your natural sense of humor. Line 3, "forgot" should be "forgotten."
You drove me to the dictionary to look up "saucebox." It means saucy and impudent! No one I know has ever used that word; I think it must be archaic or a British usage. I would change it to, "I used to be really saucy." You could also use "sassy," which is what people say around here.</p>

<p>Thank you so much! I will change it right now.</p>

<p>Oh... I can't edit this post online... but I have made these changes in Microsoft Word.</p>

<p>i like the dialogue...</p>

<p>Only the dialogue? How frustrated! Hehe!</p>