please look over this and help me edit it if you can

Paying for College
1

I am writing to appeal the decision to deny financial aid for me to attend North shore Community College. About 10 years ago, I attended this college but failed my courses. Then I went on to Gibbs Boston College where I was successful. I earned a degree in medical admin clinical assistant in year may, 2011 with a GPA of 2.9. Now I want to return to North shore Community College to get another degree in nursing, but I need financial assistance and I am on financial suspension because before I transferred to Gibbs Boston I was working to many hours I had two jobs and attending college full time. And I also was dating a woman who wanted me to go to college to prove to her family that I was smart enough to be welcome in their house. I was also too demanding for me at this time that I had to fall behind all my classes and I couldn’t get myself to study more for exams nor go to class because I was stupid and listen to my ex-girlfriend who didn’t want me going to class because she wanted to spend time with me all day

  1. I will balance the course choices better.
  2. I will manage my time wisely on academics.
  3. I will seek assistance with my coursework when I have difficulties.
  4. I will maintain communication with my professors on a regular basis to ensure success in my courses
  5. Complete classes B’s only.
  6. I have a family that is very supportive in me going back to college to better myself and have a career not a job that I live pay check to pay check.
  7. I have a future wife that is going to help me with all my homework, and will motivate me to do the best I can do nothing more.
  8. I will stay after class to chat with professor every day if need to be to understand that class assignment that day.
  9. I will also find a tutor that will help me with homework, or need one on one time work with

I would like to continue attending North shore community college and pursue my degree as a Pre-nursing major, however this will not be possible without financial aid. I understand the severity of losing my financial aid and take full responsibility for the actions that lead to the suspension of my aid. Thankfully I have come up with a plan that will help make sure that I stay on the right track and remain a successful student.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

2

David, my advice is the same as many of us gave you on your other thread. Take an English granmar/writing course before you try to return to nursing school full-time. You have to be able to communicate well if you want to be a nurse. Suggesting content revisions is much different than the help you need. You have so many problems with mechanics (capitalization, punctuation, sentence structure, etc.) that your letter requires a rewrite. We can’t write your letter for you.

Again, you are sharing too much information. In my opinion, you shouldn’t be in nursing school until you can write a simple business letter on your own. NSCC offers English classes. I provided a link to one in your other thread. Have you tried to register for one?

3

I’m closing this thread, since the OP already had a long thread on the subject. I don’t think we can give him any more help. He hasn’t even made all the changes suggested in the other thread, such as, “It’s North Shore Community College.”

OP, you need to take a writing class. Period.