Hi could someone please review my SAT Essay? Any comments on how I could improve?
Prompt:
Should we wait for good things to come, or is destiny not something we can wait for? Plan and write an essay in which…
"Humanity has come a long way from living in caves to forming civilisations which are fated to to last an eternity. The progress we have achieved isn’t due to waiting around for that one moment of brilliance but rather, it is because we strive to realise our potential. Therefore, no one should ever linger around for destiny to show up.
An individual who embodies my point of view is Marie Curie. She was a brilliant scientist and was awarded the Nobel Prize twice in her lifetime. However, Marie Curie didn’t wait for an epiphany. She struggled against the societal dogma against women during her time. She left her home country to get her tertiary education in France. That moment became the precursor to what was a stellar career in the field of science. Evidently, better things happen to those who work hard.
Furthermore, Marie Curie faced a great deal of challenges en route to receiving her second Nobel Prize. She was still grieving from her husbands death. Also, Curie was accused of not being worthy of the prize due to her private life problems. Nevertheless, she made it very clear to the committee what happens at home has no relation to her work. An act like that got Curie what she deserved but she did not wait for it to happen.
In conclusion, destiny is what you make of it. Heroic icons like Marie Curie was fated to become such a brilliant scientist only because she worked towards that goal. Some people might stumble upon brilliant opportunities without lifting a finger. But that is not destiny, it is luck."