<p>Pleaser read my essay. Sorry if this is not correct forum. no time. thx</p>
<p>I’m guessing this is for college apps?
I don’t mind, but as a junior right now, I don’t really know how to judge it…</p>
<p>I don’t care I only have 35 minutes before deadline.</p>
<p>(Optional) No admission application can meet the needs of every individual. If you think additional information or material will give us a more thorough impression of you, please respond below.</p>
<p>What stuff have you not gotten a chance to mention in your apps yet? It doesn’t need to be spectacular, or even voluminous.</p>
<p>Edit, or write nothing since it’s optional. You can decide.</p>
<p>Over my fifteen years of life, I have made many achievements. It may seem that I am ***. But I realized that my curiosity to understand the truth will not be fulfilled if I stay in the past. These achievements may be appealing, but they will forever remain as a past. It is human nature to look to the past. To the road we have travelled. To what has so far defined us. But only leaving our past behind can we then push onward. Into an unknown tomorrow. Into the dawn of a new future. Into the light of a new beginning…</p>
<p>Anything to add? *** is a word or phrase I can’t think of. It sucks yes, I wrote it in like1 mintue. be very harsh im serious. i only have half an hour.</p>
<p>I already mentioned my age, and my way of life, in my previous essays. So I can’t write that.</p>
<p>*** can be “accomplished” or “successful”?</p>
<p>never start a sentence with a conjunction. it should be “<em>**, but” (this is not an exception)
How does it seem that you are an </em>? it doesn’t seem like you need that exactly, unless you meant cliched or something and couldn’t think of the word (?)</p>
<p>it doesn’t seem too bad for 1 minute</p>
<p>I don’t know how necessary this would be, because it conveys limited information about yourself. Just that you want to look to the future, instead of living in the past.</p>
<p>edit: also, I believe all those sentences about the future are grammatically fragments, and commas would better separate them</p>
<p>edit: like
It is human nature to look to the past- to the road we have travelled, to what has so far defined us. </p>
<p>I’m not 100% sure this is right, but I don’t think they should be separate sentences.</p>
<p>sth like that. i cant think of the word. is it ok or shd i completely remove it and submit nothing instead? or can i improve it?</p>
<p>well it does seem cliched. I’m sure if you explained your way of life earlier, than you gave info about how you look to the future. I don’t know how necessary it is, but it does provide insight to what you hope to achieve.</p>
<p>If you want to keep it, maybe tie the college into it somehow (your future in college) or something. But you may have addressed this in your “why ____” essay. If you said it before, you probably don’t need this.</p>
<p>Over my fifteen years of life, I have made many achievements. But I realized that my curiosity to understand the truth will not be fulfilled if I stay in the past. These achievements may be appealing, but they will forever remain as a past. It is human nature to look to the past - to the road we have travelled, and to what has so far defined us. But only leaving our past behind can we then push onward. Into an unknown tomorrow. Into the dawn of a new future. Into the light of a new beginning…</p>
<p>I seriously think there’s something missing.</p>
<p>This is for MIT. There is no why MiT essay. =/</p>
<p>It says optional. But I’m uneasy about it. They give me space for a reason. So I really don’t want to leave it blank unless the essay is really a mess. It is a mess but not total mess at least. =( I was hoping to give a final go in showing.</p>
<p>you don’t want to write a why MIT essay lol. it will be more hackneyed than Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations</p>
<p>I think you should still turn the "But"s at the beginnings of sentences to lowercase and make them compound sentences</p>
<p>otherwise good</p>
<p>alright, then maybe include it, but it needs more substance if you want to. This can be phrased in 1-2 sentences, but your making it a paragraph, and its cliched.</p>
<p>don’t start sentences with “but” (like mapleleaf said)
and maybe say “only by leaving our past…”</p>
<p>and the last 4 sentences could be combined, although I think you don’t need 2 of the last 3.
(I really like the last sentence though)
edit: I agree with mapleleaf :)</p>
<p>Over my fifteen years of life, I have made many achievements, but I realized that my curiosity to understand the truth will not be fulfilled if I stay in the past. These achievements may be appealing, but they will forever remain as a past. To me, I want to seek more than the superficial awards that come with it. I want to know the reality within. Therefore, I want to achieve more at college.</p>
<p>It is human nature to look to the past - to the road we have travelled, and to what has so far defined us - but only leaving our past behind can we then push onward into an unknown tomorrow, into the dawn of a new future and into the light of a new beginning…</p>
<p>10 minutes left. Change or delete? I think 70% chance I’m gonna delete.</p>
<p>eh. I like the ending, but I don’t like:
These achievements may be appealing, but they will forever remain as a past. To me, I want to seek more than the superficial awards that come with it. I want to know the reality within. Therefore, I want to achieve more at college.</p>
<p>so maybe just take that part out. Do you think it will add significantly to the app? It won’t hurt, will it? decide based on that.</p>
<p>Yes it won’t hurt. I deleted it. Subbmitting now. *gasps</p>
<p>this part:
I want to know the reality within. Therefore, I want to achieve more at college.
doesn’t really make sense/contradicts what you said before.
this is a reiteration:
These achievements may be appealing, but they will forever remain as a past. </p>
<p>I would keep it as:
Over my fifteen years of life, I have made many achievements, but I realized that my curiosity to understand the truth will not be fulfilled if I stay in the past. It is human nature to look to the past - to the road we have travelled, and to what has so far defined us - but only leaving our past behind can we then push onward into an unknown tomorrow, into the dawn of a new future and into the light of a new beginning…</p>
<p>edit: haha good luck!
I’m sure you’ll do great regardless :)</p>
<p>It doesn’t say much anyways so I rather leave it blank in case it makes things worse.</p>