<p>Hello guys, </p>
<p>Could you please help me improve the essay I have to write for the Common App. The word limit is 150 and the question is:</p>
<p>“Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below”</p>
<p>I’ve made three drafts which are totally different from each other, please choose your favorite and give some comments on how it can be improved…</p>
<p>Draft 1
Programming is an integral part of my life. I taught myself Java when I was nine and by the age of eleven, I was a Sun Microsystems Certified Java Professional, in fact if I had taken the exam three months earlier, I would have held a Guinness World Record. Several years later, I mastered advanced features of Java, such as EJB(Enterprise JavaBeans), and JSP(Server Pages). Besides undertaking freelance jobs in the summer, which include building a NASDAQ Stock Forecasting System for Bajaj Capital, I contribute to numerous forums and attend symposiums to discuss how Java technology can be implemented in Robotics and Automation. Furthermore, I organize workshops for disadvantaged youth, exposing them to the world of computers and programming. Officials at the Saint Columba School took notice of my outreach and at the age of 17; I was tapped to serve as the Chairman for the New Delhi Robotics Symposium. </p>
<p>Draft 2
Computer programming is an integral part of my life. I taught myself Java when I was nine and by the age of eleven, I was a Sun Microsystems Certified Java Professional, in fact if I had taken the exam three months earlier I would have held a Guinness World Record. Years later, I taught a seminar to disadvantaged children about the beauties of computer programming; when you create a particularly interesting combination of colors with the Java AWT, there is nothing more rewarding then observing the rapt expression widening out from a child’s nostrils, forcing the eyebrows up and the lower lip down in a wide noiseless grin, an expression in which one radiates pure pleasure. This event taught me something particularly important: you can always find joy in everyone, no matter the section of society. So far, I have attended thirteen schools and have lived in seven countries: from the Rolls Royce ridden roads of Dubai to the poverty stricken streets of New Delhi, my maxim holds true. </p>
<p>Draft 3
When I was requested to give a seminar about the beauties of computer programming to some juvenile teens from a nearby detention center, I was initially afraid. I could imagine them: a fanatical bunch of unruly adolescents who stank of cigarettes and cheap deo. But when I stepped into the computer lab with sheaves of papers in my hand, I was pleasantly surprised. Unfortunately, I happened to trip over the doorframe and ended up face down on the floor…at once I heard the raucous screeching of tables as ten mean looking youths sprang up from their chairs, I remember saying to myself, “Oh Gawd! Here go the LCD Monitors”. Jumping over tables and chairs…they rushed to my aid. The first one collected the papers which were scattered all over the floor; the second helped me pick myself up and asked me if I was all right, the third pulled me a chair and sat me down in it. This event, although seemingly insignificant at face value, taught me a very important lesson: never believe anything anyone tells you, always verify it for yourself. And throughout my life, I have always been the “verifier”, when I heard that cannibalism was practiced in the jungles of Sumatra, I didn’t believe it so I travelled to the tribe and verified it. When I heard that the ‘Devil’s Crossing’ was impassable in a boat, at great risk of my life, I went there and verified it (it turned out to be false), When I heard…I think you get the point now.</p>