Please review my essay for bu.

College Essays
1

I know I can’t change anything now. But I just want to know if it is an average essay

Always keeping in my mind, why must we work hard for better life? Whether we can pursue even more colorful life or not if we didn’t work hard? Sometimes I feel very upset when I think of many unknown things because I know why I always work hard for overcoming all difficulties while others still enjoy their wonderful life without any endeavor. As time goes by, I gradually understand that all efforts I have made are derived from my passion for a bigger world, and BU is just the right bigger world for me to explore and research there.
Another reason for my application lies in your program and courses, which is worth mentioning here. With diversified courses, different thoughts, culture and voices and global composition, I am not far familiar with all those things and choose ECO as my major based on different science and technology, culture and thought, which I always trust that I will learn more from BU.
At last, I am very patient and calm for my failure or success after a wider recognition of global world, which would be very necessary for further success in the future. I would be very grateful and appreciate all opportunities that BU would offer me if I luckily completed my studies there in that I am full of multiple choices that BU has brought for my life. (228words)

2

One of the most convoluted essays I’ve ever read. Your use of non-responses, or weak ones at best makes it truly a headache. If you’re an international student (which I hope you are judging by your use of language), hopefully admissions will be lenient with your weak command of words.

3

A lot of the sentences verge on run-ons (ex. “Sometimes I feel very upset when I think of many unknown things because I know why I always work hard for overcoming all difficulties while others still enjoy their wonderful life without any endeavor.”). It’s kind of confusing to read and not straightforward–the previous poster had a good word for it, “convoluted.” Tip for the future: be specific. Speaking in vague platitudes doesn’t really interest the reader.

4

I’m sorry, but this isn’t very successful. The transitions are poor (“At last,” “Another reason”) and I think your sentences are highly convoluted. And to top that, the essay is too vague. You could really be talking about any university here.

5

could you please review my essay for me again? i wrote a new one. but i dont feel to share here. can i message you my essay?